After months (or years) of being bitterly single, you can spot THAT couple from a mile away. You know exactly the one we’re talking about: They are the pair that, for some reason or another, are so irritating that you wish they would just break up already. Harsh? It’s okay; we’ve all encountered THAT couple every now and then. But when it comes to your own relationship, it’s a little more difficult to tell if you and your beau are the ones getting on everyone else’s nerves. Never fear, collegiettes; we are here to help! Check out our signs that you’re THAT irritating couple.
1. You Overshare on Social Media
Most collegiettes fill their social media accounts with a variety of posts: funny quotes, chic personal style pictures, some yummy recipes and even a #tbt photo here and there. If you’re a member of THAT couple, your virtual platforms may look a little different. When your scroll through your Twitter feed, Facebook timeline, Instagram pictures and Tumblr posts, it resembles a very detailed timeline of your relationship.
While wishing your boyfriend a happy anniversary is completely normal, other statuses are a little out there. “Picking up my boyfriend’s laundry #girlfriendproblems.” Girl, that’s more like #personalassistantproblems. “Stole his sweater so he’s keeping me warm all the time.” Can we say nauseating?
If this isn’t dreadful enough, there’s always THAT girl who writes on her boyfriend’s Facebook wall every three hours. “That joke you just told was soooo funny,” she writes while they’re hanging out. A few hours later: “I luv u babe.” Right before she falls asleep: “Goodnight baby.” Um, no thank you.
We’re almost as excited as you the first time your beau sends you flowers or surprises you with a romantic trip to a countryside bed and breakfast (if you’ve ever experienced the latter, consider us jealous); however, we’re not amused when you tweet, Instagram and make a Facebook status every time you and your boy toy go to the supermarket. We get it; you guys are very happy. But do we need to be reminded that every single time we want to tweet? No. Side effects of oversharing on your social media accounts may include a sudden dip in followers and only your boyfriend and your mom liking those mushy statuses.
Posting an Instagram of your boyfriend sleeping (we know, creepy) may be a way to tell all your followers that the two of you are super intimate. But we can let you in on a little secret: we don’t care. Instead, we just think it’s irritating.
As much as you love being a social media guru, it’s important not to share everything about your relationship. Your followers aren’t in your relationship, so why should they know everything? Unless the two of you are Beyoncé and Jay Z, they don’t need to. But that doesn’t mean you have to hide your beau from your virtual platforms.
“Quality over quantity,” says dating coach and founder of The Love TREP Neely Steinberg. “[Share] the more special memories that people will care about.” While every time he sends you a cute text may not be worth posting about, we will want to see one or two pictures of the two of you from your wintry vacation to Park City!
2. You Ditch Your Friends for Your Boyfriend
Take a look at your agenda. Is there a balance between dinner dates with your girlfriends and hanging out with your beau, or are you all booked with breakfasts, lunches, dinners and movie outings with your boyfriend? The latter, right?
While it’s natural to spend more time with your boyfriend once you’re in a relationship, leaving your friends in the dust is not okay.
“I don’t understand why some girls feel the need to completely check out of their friendships once a guy is in the picture,” says Catherine Sourbis, a recent graduate of Tufts University. “I’ve had friends who can balance their love life and friendships, so it’s not impossible.”
At first, you’re ditching your friends for a romantic date with your beau. It’s fine; they understand that you’re in the throes of young love. But when you bail on a girls’ night out because you and your boyfriend had to help his mom choose a new shower curtain, you’re committing a major friendship faux pas. After a couple of these incidents, your friends will probably stop inviting you to hang out. “She’s probably hanging out with her boyfriend,” they’ll say. With a quick look at your Facebook timeline, Instagram and Twitter feed, they’ll realize they were right.
The solution is quite simple: hang out with your friends every now and then. We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the alternative is not too peachy. “It’s natural to see somewhat less of friends in the early and more intense phase of a new relationship; however, ignoring [your friends] won’t keep them [around] for long,” says Susanne Alexander, a relationship coach and founder of Marriage Transformation. You don’t need to ignore your boyfriend, but it’s imperative to have a healthy balance between your friends and your relationship. Scheduling a weekly dinner date with your roomie and coffee runs with your bestie are great ways to start. Plus, hanging out with your girlfriends is perfect for when you’re in desperate need of relationship advice. We know what you’re thinking: this sounds so Sex and the City.
3. You’re Guilty of PDA… in Front of Your Friends
In healthy doses, there’s nothing wrong with a little PDA. Holding hands? Very cute. Having a boyfriend put his arm around your shoulder when you’re watching TV? Adorable and unobtrusive. Making out with your beau in front of your friends? No, thank you.
“One of my friend’s ex-boyfriends would give her an over-the-top, Hollywood-esque kiss while she was talking to someone else!” says Madison*, a recent graduate of Boston University. “That may be romantic for the couple, but it’s just rude otherwise.”
Not only is this a complete conversation ender, it’s disrespectful to your group of friends. “Should I be leaving?” your friends are probably thinking to themselves as your beau starts grabbing your backside. Um, none of your friends signed up for this.
While every collegiette has had her fair share of DFMOs, getting hot and heavy with your boy toy during dinner with your friends is just awkward—there’s plenty of light, onlookers can’t be distracted by Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” blasting over the speakers and you cannot blame it on the alcohol. Excuse us as our appetite magically ceases to exist. Let’s just put it this way: your friends and other disturbed onlookers will be dying to shout, “Get a room!”
You shouldn’t feel the need to stand three feet away from your boyfriend at all times. If you’re an affectionate couple, don’t be afraid to hold hands or exchange the occasional peck. However, it’s imperative to draw the line between appropriate PDA and uncomfortable PDA.
“If it is really turning off people around you, talk to your partner about what parts you can tone down in front of others,” says Steinberg.
So how do you figure out what type of PDA is too awkward for words? Try people watching and keep an eye out for those obnoxious couples. Once you make a mental note that playing tonsil hockey at your little sister’s school play is a complete no, feel free to send this article to the PDA perpetrators. They’ll thank us later.
4. You Use Crazy Pet Names in Public
Calling your man “babe” or “honey” at a family gathering is completely normal, but what about “pookie boo” or “schmoopy” a la Seinfeld? It may be cute to you, but it’s like nails on a chalkboard to everyone else. Once the pet name exchange starts, it seems like it never stops.
And don’t get us started about using baby voices in public. “I cannot stand when couples talk in baby voices to each other,” says Melissa Marks, a recent graduate of the University at Albany-SUNY. “You are grown adults!”
Are you sick? Are you talking to your new puppy? Neither? So then why are you talking like this?
Love has the power to make you act like a two-year-old; however, we don’t think people who are having a dinner at a fancy restaurant signed up for a night of secondhand baby talk.
Similar to using PDA to the extreme, it’s important to decide what type of vocabulary and voice should be used when it’s just the two of you. “One way to make a relationship special is to have some pet names and interactions be private,” says Alexander.
We have a sneaking suspicion that pet names and baby talk is a way to show some affection, so why should you publicize that to everyone within earshot of you? Feel free to call each other cute names in public, but save the mushy stuff for when it’s just the two of you. Trust us, it’ll be more special that way.
5. You’re Already Planning Your Future Together
Whether you have a Pinterest board dedicated to your future nuptials (guilty) or played house when you were in kindergarten (guilty again), chances are that you’ve been scheming up your future for a while now. Claiming wedding color schemes and baby names with your girlfriends is completely normal, but planning your future with your boyfriend super early on is, well, overdoing it.
“We’re going to have three kids and a summer house in Montauk,” you and your man tell your friends… after a month of dating.
Let’s say it together, shall we? Slow down!
“If you’re still in college, you’re too young to be seriously planning your wedding and future, especially if you just started dating your boyfriend,” Madison says. “What’s the rush?”
While we’re very convinced that you’re going to find your Prince Charming, he may not be the guy you met on frat row after a few too many drinks last weekend. Translation? If he’s not the one, you guys may break up. And there’s no way of telling if he’s in for the long haul after a month of dating. So if you guys go your separate ways, everyone will be wondering what ever happened to that Montauk house.
As of now, prematurely planning your future with your new boyfriend is just annoying. Not only is it extremely presumptuous, but it’s going to make your single friends start panicking and imagining the rest of their lives as spinsters. And nobody wants to think they’re going to live a lonely life with cats at 19-years old.
It may seem difficult when you’ve been (not so secretly) planning your wedding for what seems like an eternity and finally found a great guy, but take a breather and relax!
“If a woman finds herself doing that really early, I would caution her to take her time and let the relationship progress organically,” says Steinberg.
Though it’s great to realize that your relationship could have a long future, planning the rest of your life a little too early puts a lot of strain on the relationship. Clearly you can’t have that summer home in Long Island if your boyfriend was offered a job in California. Is this something to freak out about? No. Instead, see where life takes the two of you and cherish your time together.
As much as these quirks may annoy your peers, the only thing that should matter is if you’re happy. Sure, your friends may roll their eyes at how head-over-heels in love you are, but let’s remember one very important fact: if you’re THAT annoying couple, there’s a big chance you’re extremely happy with your beau. So post those cute Instagram selfies (within reason) and take your great relationship one day at a time.
*Name has been changed.