Pat Benatar had it right when she sang “Love is a Battlefield.” No one likes to see someone that they poured their heart and soul into falling in love with someone else. Jealousy is common but as much as the green monster can get the best of us, there are just some things that we should not do when our ex is dating someone new. These are a few of them.
1. Stalk their social media
We understand that the appeal is there. You may have wanted to be the bigger person and not unfollow your ex everywhere you could, which is great at the time, but when it comes to getting this new information, you may feel the urge to go find out every last detail about their new relationship as soon as possible. You will want to stalk your ex, their new bae, their friends, families and every last person you can think of. As much as information is power, it is also a demon. You don’t need to know everything.
Instead: Take a break from social media or do a cleanse. Use the time to unfollow or unfriend those people who may not really be contributing to your happiness. If you know you will have the ultimate urge, maybe discontinuing your strictly social media ‘friendship’ is the next step you need toward complete closure. It doesn’t mean you can’t be civil if you see each other in person.
2. Find a rebound
Hooking up with someone may distract you from whatever you are feeling now, but it probably won’t help in the long run. The same goes for jumping into a new relationship. Unless you genuinely care for the person and want to have fun or be with them, it won’t do you or them any justice to just mess around. And even if you do find someone that you want to be with, make sure you feel that you are ready for a new relationship and not to rush into things. Emily*, a senior at Framingham State University, says, “I was getting ready to finally enter a new relationship with someone I felt a true connection with. And once I realized that I had that new person and my ex had moved on, I felt that it was okay to officially move on myself.”
Instead: Spend time with the important people who are already in your life. Talk more with your family and reach out to friends. Have a girls’ night, start binging a new show or go to the spa. Go spend time with yourself and really take the time you need to ensure your own happiness.
Related: 5 Ways to Let Go of a Relationship That Ended Before it Started
3. Go on a rampage
Seeing someone you cared for with someone new can be heartbreaking, and it is understandable to be angry or feel some sort of hatred. You may want to punch walls, rip your room to shreds, quit school or your job, and go on an isolation frenzy where you detach from anyone and everyone who dare enter your path. It is okay be feel whatever emotions make their way to your surface. Just don’t take it out on those who surround you. Domini Batista, a junior at Framingham State University, says, “I wanted to tell her how big of a shit he was, but after that I told him that I wish him the best of luck and now I’m friends with both of them.”
Instead: Find other ways to express yourself. Be creative by writing, painting or trying a new artistic form. Exercise your body by taking a class or watching some YouTube videos of easy workouts you can do from home. It doesn’t necessarily matter what you do, but the extra energy that you get from your emotions can be an amazing power source that you use otherwise.
4. Spend too much time sulking
When you devote time and effort to someone, it is okay to be sad when they move on and give to someone else want you possibly wanted. But instead of destroying everything around you, you may feel the need to cry alone in your room with a pint of your favorite ice cream. You can hide away if need be, but it is important to know that you will have to come out eventually. Chelsea Hathaway, a senior at Framingham State University, says, “You always hope you will be ‘the one’ that they always wish they could have back, and once you see they are moving on and dating someone new you realize that part of your life is over.”
Instead: Get out of the house or dorm every once in a while. Even just going for a walk or changing your scenery will help. Dedicate some time to make sure you are not alone. Even if it is a brief text just letting someone know you’re still alive and they don’t have to take care of the litter box for you can be good enough.
Yes, you might start freaking out when you see your ex with someone new. You may want to do any and all of these things, but in the end, we all know that we can’t let our old feelings get the best of us. There is a reason you are no longer with that person. Now you are free from them and can go on to rule the world.
*Name has been changed