Picture this: it’s 2014 and the newest rom-dram has just hit the theatres. You and your best friends all rally in one of your mom’s mini vans, dressed in your newest Forever 21 skater dress and your favourite pair of converse, topped with your stickiest Victoria Secret lip gloss. You made sure to put on your waterproof mascara because you knew what was coming.
This experience was the epitome of my younger teen years. I vividly remember feeling exhilarated by heightened emotions that came with attending the saddest romantic movies. I looked forward to the drama that came along with the one-liners that pushed the lingering tears out of my eyes and spilled onto my cheeks. Romantic movies have played such an important role in my life.
Yet, as I’ve gotten older I realized the implications these movies have. As a young teen, all I wanted was to have a relationship that mimicked these movies. Now that I’m in my 20s, I wouldn’t want my relationship looking anything like them! Here are five things wrong with romantic movies.
- The Love Triangle Trope
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This trope is evident in movies like My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997), The Notebook (2004) and The Twilight Saga (2008-2012). Although a relationship might look normal and particularly mundane in a film, this trope introduces a new, electric person whose purpose is to bring passion to the unfulfilled member in the relationship.
This does not apply to movies where the protagonist is involved in an abusive relationship, but rather to those involved in regular relationships. This idea is harmful for two reasons: it promotes infidelity and stigmatizes regularity in relationships.
The most blatant problem of this trope revolves around it’s normalization of cheating. The classic, My Best Friend’s Wedding emphasizes this idea. Julia Roberts’ character (Julianne) did not pursue her best friend Michael until he got engaged. The movie follows her many attempts to sabotage Michael’s engagement so that he would choose her. She goes to great lengths to accomplish this from public humiliation to forging an important email, illegally might I add. This is completely unacceptable and irrational behaviour. Michael wasn’t perfect in this situation either as he often confuses Julianne by giving her mixed signals that crossed the friendship line.
It’s also important to note there’s nothing wrong with a normal relationship. Spoiler: sometimes healthy relationships can become boring. This isn’t an excuse to cheat. This presents an opportunity to communicate with your significant other and try new things. Relationships will always go through patches- sometimes they’ll feel new again and exciting, and sometimes they grow mundane. But, it’s healthier to communicate this with your partner and spice things up as a couple if that’s what both parties desire. Rather than stigmatizing regularity in relationships, we should be normalizing communication and problem-solving over cheating.
- The “Bad Boy/Girl” Trope
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This trope is seen in films like A Streetcar Called Desire (1951), 50 Shades of Grey (2015), Cruel Intentions (1999), Grease (1978), Beauty and the Beast (1991), and the list goes on.
This trope usually involves the union of a stereotypical “good” character who is reserved and innocent, and a tainted and emotionally damaged (and in need of therapy) love interest. Both energies gravitate towards one another as the intrigue of mystery blinds both characters. Usually, it ends in the overstepping of boundaries and codependency. The rebellious partner often feels like they can’t be good enough without their significant other, despite being emotionally unavailable.
Romantic relationships won’t fix you or someone else. Relationships are not therapy. If a relationship is harming you in any way, it’s unhealthy. Although these films promote the idea of relationships having the ability to fix one’s emotional damage, emotional trauma is almost always caused to both parties.
This is not to say that you can’t support someone on their healing journey. If someone is actively chasing their healing through professional help and self growth, that’s a good step. The expectation of using your partner to heal is the problem.
- Conventional Beauty Makes a Great Relationship
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This trope promotes the idea that attractiveness is one of the top priorities in a relationship. In movies such as The Princess Diaries (2001), The Ugly Truth (2009), Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) and Miss Congeniality (2000), this trope prevails in makeover scenes. This occurs when a character’s appearance is changed because they don’t fit society’s standard of beauty. Only after their looks change are they considered a possible romantic partner. This change isn’t limited solely to appearance but also personality which comes from a makeover transformation.
Another way this trope is highlighted is when the conventionally attractive character cannot find love as they are. The Hunchback of Notre Dame is guilty of this. Quasimodo is shunned from society because of his appearance. While the beautiful Esmerelda fulfills his desire to have a relationship with her, she does not romantically involve herself with him but chooses the stereotypically handsome character.
These movies place an enormous emphasis on appearance. The over-exaggeration of attractiveness can attack one’s self-esteem. The way someone looks should not limit their romantic endeavours. The prevalent ‘need’ to change appearance also suggests that the way one is not good enough.
- Relationships Complete You
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This one really grinds my gears. In films such as The Little Mermaid (1989), Pretty Woman (1990), and Holidate (2020), the life of the protagonist is inherently unsatisfied until they enter a relationship. Being single is unfulfilling and true happiness only comes from a relationship.
As much as I love the movie Pretty Woman, I don’t support its message. Julia Roberts’ character, Vivian, plays a prostitute who’s hired by a wealthy corporate raider to keep him company for a week. Only through being with a wealthy man does Vivian experience the aspects of a life she desires most. Her lonesome life caused financial strain and sex work, her life in a relationship elimated all those struggles.
This idea suggests that since singleness equates unhappiness, you’re never complete without a relationship. I’ve always viewed relationships as an addition rather than a necessity. I believe you can be a fully capable, content adult without having a significant other. This isn’t to say that a healthy relationship doesn’t bring joy and stability, because they do. But the reliance on a relationship to make you happy is damaging to one’s self-esteem.
- Perpetuate Rape Culture
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Most of the time, this trope is subtle because it’s weaved in the romanticizing of stalking and the undermining of the word ‘no’.
Movies like 16 Candles (1984), Say Anything (1989), There’s Something About Mary (1998) and Love Actually (2003) emphasize this idea.
Movies love to fantasize about actions that would be considered incredibly inappropriate in real life. In 16 Candles, the relentless, ‘geeky’ character Ted constantly berates Sam despite her many denials. In a ridiculous attempt to halt this harassment, she gives in and allows him to have her underwear.
In the movie There’s Something About Mary, after 13 years Ted is still obsessed with his high school could’ve-been romance, Mary. His obsession drives him to hire a private investigator to find her. In the process, the private investigator also becomes enthralled with Mary- all of which without her knowledge or consent.
This trope is incredibly harmful as it completely undermines the voice of women and their wants and/or needs. Not only is it violating, but it also promotes the message that ‘no’ means try harder and stalking is romantic.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good romance movie just as much as the next person. I would even go as far as saying I’m a self-proclaimed romantic. I adore many of the movies I listed above, but I also think it’s important to talk about the issues surrounding them.
We need to separate fantasy from reality. Just because something happens in a movie doesn’t mean it should happen in real life. Movies only show the most heightened emotional parts of a character’s life, not the boring or moderate parts. The media is structured in a way to entertain, not offer a blueprint for the perfect relationship. The next time you watch a rom-com/rom-dram, keep in mind that it’s a creative and heightened depiction of relationships, not reality.