As Theodore Roosevelt rightfully put it, “comparison is the thief of joy.” Human beings have compared themselves to others since the beginning of time. In a world where social media has become the new normal, it’s really hard to not be influenced by others and to love yourself. Your body isn’t perfect. Your face isn’t beautiful. You’re not smart enough. All of these forms of comparison lead a path to destruction.
I’ll admit that it’s challenging to stop comparing yourself to others. Some might argue that comparisons are beneficial as it allows one to better themselves, but how effective can this be when you begin competing with others to make yourself “better?” Are you improving yourself for yourself, or for the appreciation and praise from others? Comparisons can lead to feelings of hate, shame, and worthlessness. Not only can it rob us of a positive, independent mentality, but also of the faith we have in ourselves and our creator. If we don’t learn about the dangers of comparisons and how we can stop this endless cycle of sadness, we risk not having any happiness at all.
- The root of comparison
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According to Thomas Mussweiler, a professor of organizational behaviour at London’s Business School, our brain uses social comparison as a method of self-evaluation. Mussweiler describes social comparisons as “one of the most basic ways we develop an understanding of who we are, what we’re good at, and what we’re not so good at. Even when you’re faced with an extreme standard, first you compare, then you correct for the outcomes.”
Comparisons usually happen within a matter of seconds, and we don’t even realize we’re doing it. When we see something that someone else has, we instantly compare ourselves to them. This leads us to worry about our own lives. We ignore all the great things we have, and begin to judge and “correct” ourselves based on what we perceive others to have. This creates toxic patterns of second-guessing, destruction and trauma, and it can take a heavy toll on our mental and physical health.
- Types of comparisons
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Social comparison can be categorized into two sections: upward and downward comparison. Upward comparisons are those which work to better oneself. The attributes that we see in others act as a blueprint that sets out steps for self-improvement. On the other hand, downward comparisons (also known as “sad comparisons”) are those most often implemented. Unfortunately, this type often leads to destructive feelings.
The two main types of downward comparisons are body and intellectuality comparisons. The sad truth is that if one doesn’t have the “ideal” body or intellect that conforms with social standards, they are not considered beautiful or smart. In this respect, changing yourself based on comparisons may feel like the only way to fit in and to not be judged. To learn more about health issues inherently associated with social comparisons, check out Kara Loewentheil’s Podcast.
- It’s all about gratitude
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A great way to stop comparing yourself to others is to practice gratitude. People often compare themselves to others because they’re unable to appreciate all the amazing things about themselves. Practicing gratitude may be one of the most overlooked tools for self-love. Take time out of every day to give attention to what matters the most: yourself. The more you focus on yourself, the less time you will have to compare yourself to others, and the more happy and worthy you will feel.
Start your day off with a simple gratitude activity. Allot at least 30 minutes each day to focus on your strengths and your abilities. Write down everything you love about yourself, and all of the things you’re thankful for. The more you do it, the more you’ll begin to internalize those realizations and increase your self-esteem. You’ll start to appreciate the smallest things about yourself and begin to give yourself more credit. Rather than searching for satisfaction from others, find it within yourself. Wherever you feel down or feel as if you’re not good enough, revisit the list. Think deep and think big.
- Set boundaries
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Social media isn’t real, nor does it show you reality. Comparisons through social media are probably one of the most common forms amongst young adults. Spending so much time in awe of someone else’s life or looks, negatively impacts our own wellbeing. We forget just how great we have it compared to those who are less fortunate than us. A Snap or a 30-second Reel of someone else’s life leads us wishing our life were different. However, in reality, most of what we see on the Internet is a facade.
This isn’t to suggest that social media is entirely bad. It can serve as a place for connection and creativity, but being overly reliant or misusing it can implement toxicity in your life. We often forget that we are the ones in control of our social media use, and not the other way around. Start by setting boundaries for yourself. When you feel like you need to take a break, don’t jump right to your phone. Give yourself a daily time limit to scroll through, and when your time is up, close the app. Ask yourself what your purpose on social media is. Unfollow pages that don’t align with your personal goals or that don’t make you feel positive about yourself. Distance yourself from your phone when you spend time with loved ones, and instead take that time to enjoy those around you. Ask yourself: Do I need to scroll through Instagram now? What else could I be doing to pass the time? If needed, log out or deactivate your accounts, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. Try this social media fast and watch as you make your first step towards happiness.
- Compete with yourself
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No one knows you better than you. Push yourself to be better than you were yesterday. Focus on your personal goals rather than accomplishing the dreams of others. Ask yourself: What do I want to achieve? How am I going to achieve it? What am I going to do to make sure that I achieve that dream? Always strive to better your life because you want to do it, not to be accepted by others. Your motivation to do something should never be defined by what others like or want for you.
Although it’s great to have role models, know your limits and have a balance. The road to self-love starts with faith in yourself. Every moment spent comparing yourself is a moment lost in making yourself better. The minute you begin comparing yourself to others, you give away your power. So, take it back and focus on yourself. Remind yourself every day that you are powerful and capable of making choices that help better yourself. Challenge the person you were yesterday, last week, and last year. You’d be surprised with how much potential and happiness you find in yourself once you believe that you are worthy enough. You got this!