Have you ever felt heartbroken about someone and then attributed a song to that experience to validate your feelings and emotions?
If you struggle or have struggled listening to a song without thinking of the painful memory of a person and its defining moments, I can definitely relate.
Music and memory are bonded together, causing moments of freedom and in some cases, moments of – Are you kidding me? Every time I listen to this song, I think of …
I wrote a previous blog article about what music really means to me, and with more life experiences, I realized that music gives me the gifts of association, dissociation, and re-association.
When I subconsciously associated a song with someone who did me wrong or made my blood boil, much time was spent nitpicking a song, analyzing each lyric, and trying to match it up with my life. Phone calls to my friends telling them my newest and latest epiphanies is so time-consuming, but equally comforting.
There comes a time when sometimes the memory becomes too painful to bear and disassociating is not only easier, but something to resort to so I can avoid that pain. I thought that not listening to the song would be the quick and easy fix, but I realized that as the situation in my life became more challenging, the song sounded more and more like a crutch.
Then after the rain comes a rainbow! My hope is to continue listening and vibing without allowing myself to transport back in that time of turmoil – but gracefully pausing for a moment of acknowledgement. The indication of healing for me came through that first re-listen because that re-association brought me back to Earth as I began to feel a sense of hope for the future of growth and courage.
I love Taylor Swift songs because she explains things that you didn’t think could actually be put into words. Every lyric is gold and wow, is it so easy to internalize and tailor her words to match your experience. For me, “August,” “Illicit Affairs” and “My Tears Ricochet” just did the trick. That song trilogy spoke to three phases and served different purposes, with my journey of association, dissociation and re-association being felt in waves, all depending on my wellbeing.
Through conversations with others, I learned that associations we make to songs can be searched for, but sometimes it finds us. For example, a song plays in the background of a core moment – inevitably that song will always be a reminder of that significant experience.
Even if the memory is still lingering, it won’t be so debilitating, poignant, or heartbreaking. Time is your companion.
It was never about the song itself, but the meaning I attributed it to in connection with my life. After all, a song is just a song.