You know that feeling you get sometimes like you don’t belong somewhere? It usually happens when you decide to hang out with a group of new people that you happen to be acquainted with for only a short period of time or sometimes when you try to reconnect with an old friend that no longer shares the same interests as you. Those are usually fixable because you still know that at the end of the day, you can text your best friend to complain about the awful night you had where you felt completely out of place.
Photo by Hannah Rodrigo
Unfortunately, there is another scenario which also happens to be the most heartbreaking and painful of all. This is when you no longer feel like you belong with your own group of friends. When you reach a point that your closest friends no longer make you feel at home when you’re around them. And most of the time, it’s not anyone’s fault; we outgrow people and habits and that’s just how life is.
But there are people who define themselves through their friendships, such as myself. And reaching that moment when your friends make you feel like you’ve accidentally stumbled upon a stranger’s doorstep, might possibly be one of the worst heartbreaks that could ever be experienced. I think it’s important to realize that when such things happen, it’s best not to blame anyone and to simply take some time apart to reflect ⏤ just as one would do in a romantic relationship.
On the other hand, going through things such as identity crises and moments of feeling absent are normal for people our age and even more so for international students who move around a lot and are forced to make new friends with every new experience. As amazing of an experience as it can be, it also means that sometimes that fear of loneliness will force you to befriend some who are not your people. This might drive you to fool yourself into thinking that you enjoy the same music, games and hobbies as they do, when really in the long run, it’s going to make you realize that faking it will not make you happy.
Of course, that’s not always the case. While finding friends can be scary and we might make mistakes when picking them out, sometimes we pick the right ones. It’s just that as life runs its course, as individuals we go through different phases. If your friends are right for you, then they’ll be accepting and welcome you back with open arms.