In March 2020 when the first pandemic started, I packed up my freshman year dorm room earlier than planned and moved back to the states to live with my parents. Even though this was a difficult period of time, I planned to return to my life in Toronto and live in a dorm once again when September rolled around. So despite this challenging time, I was able to count down the days until I returned to Canada. However, when case numbers increased, the border remained closed, and a vaccine was yet to be announced, I made the decision to stay with my parents in the States and continue doing school at their house.
I will never be able to express how thankful I am to have spent that unexpected year with my parents. Though the pandemic caused me to become depressed and anxious, I was never not thankful to be surrounded by the care of my parents. However, being a student during the pandemic brought unimaginable difficulties, especially as someone with a learning disability, which I think was often left out of conversations being had by those handling the pandemic.
Students, especially university students, were not seen as a priority, and in my opinion, are still being ignored during this current point in the pandemic. I am two months away from it being two years since I last entered a classroom and it’s becoming harder to believe the current start date for in-person classes is going to hold true, because of the amount of disappointment in the past.
I am emotionally done with the topic of the pandemic being a subject of conversations, written pieces, comedy specials, and anything in between. However, during this state of lockdown, it is becoming increasingly impossible to ignore the fact that the pandemic has affected me, and I want to write about my experience and feelings towards it.
I am back in Canada now. I moved into a house with my roommates in August and, as an attempt to jump forward, I moved a subway ride distance away from the university. But, if life had gone as planned, I don’t think I would’ve been living close to my university in my third year. I feel that I’m starting to feel a sense of what life was like before the pandemic. I finally went out with friends and studied in coffee shops. However, returning to Toronto after Christmas, Ontario had gone into a lockdown once again.
This was my first lockdown in Toronto.
I haven’t experienced a lockdown like this one since 2020. So after returning to Toronto and expecting to come back to the life I left prior to the holidays, facing yet another lockdown was a shock. I spent New Year’s Eve alone, I stopped working for the month of January, and my friends all returned to their hometowns or were distanced from seeing people for safety.
This left me all alone.
This was a type of lockdown I had never experienced before. I was without my family or the comfort of my childhood home. I was in Toronto during the middle of winter. It was quite the combination.
I wish I was one to say that this lockdown was easier due to the amount of time that has gone by in a pandemic, but the uncertainty and parts of my life being basically paused, such as my job at a cafe, caused emotions to arise which I hadn’t experienced before.
I want to be able to say that I’ve found great ways to cope that I can pass on to the next person. But the only way I have been able to cope is by being forgiving to myself. Not every meal needs to be healthy, not everyday needs to be productive, and if going out for coffee is how you get out the house, then it’s okay to do it more than you normally would.
Though my experience is unique to me, it doesn’t differ from many other university students during this stressful time. The coping skills of daily walks are unfortunately no longer helping. Emotions are high and the constant grief of having the numerous announcements of prolonged online school has been going on for the past two years.
There seems to be an extremely dim light at the end of this online school and lockdown tunnel. But going back to school will bring its own challenge as many students’ social skills and concentration abilities have diminished.
Vocalizing our own experiences and sharing them is important to do. I am learning that no university student right now is doing totally okay, and I think it’s something that needs to be talked about. Though this is not a fun shared experience for university students, there is some good coming out of it. I have not learned what it is yet. But there must be something.