Humans have a weird habit of holding onto things that hurt us, even when we know they weren’t good for us. We make heartbreak look prettier than it is, and we take messy endings and late-night regrets and turn them into stories we tell ourselves to make the pain easier to handle, and we normalize. Something that has more recently made its way to a larger platform is how fiction can make things that are abusive or harmful feel…appealing. Stories about obsession, control or even kidnapping have somehow gotten framed as romance, and suddenly people are beginning to romanticize something that would be completely unacceptable in reality. This line between reality and fantasy has somehow been blurred to the point where you may begin to question your actions and feelings. So how can we tell the difference between what’s actually healthy and what’s toxic?
The Aesthetic Of Break-Up Culture
Breakups aren’t new, but the way we experience them now feels different. There’s almost an expectation that heartbreak should look a certain way with sad playlists, moody photos and late-night journaling. We make our pain look aesthetic, like it’s art instead of reality. We repost things to our pages to bring attention to the situation, and we post with people to get back at someone. They all seem like such petty things but it’s a culture that has been normalized. I’ve noticed myself doing it too, where I turn the end of a friendship or relationship into a whole vibe, just so it feels meaningful instead of messy. I sit in my room listening to Olivia Rodrigo and add a bunch of guys back on snap if something doesn’t work out in my favor. But that isn’t healthy and it is not helping me in any way. Instead, the reality of the situation is that it’s an excuse to avoid the real work of moving on.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
When something goes wrong, we have a way of rewriting it in our minds. That text we wish we hadn’t sent? Suddenly it’s “mixed signals.” That friendship that ended? It was “just timing.” I’ve caught myself doing this more than I care to admit, where I somehow turn disappointment into something almost poetic, so it feels like it had a purpose. Something I had felt so strongly about suddenly turns into me overthinking and wishing I hadn’t done what I did. But at what point are these stories helping us, and when are they keeping us stuck in the past?
We Don’t Want Closure…We Want A Happy Ending
It’s hard to accept that some things just… end. Instead, we hold onto the idea that maybe it wasn’t over or that there’s some secret lesson that makes it worth it. This has been someone I have been struggling a lot with recently, as I never like to leave on bad terms with anyone. But something I have realized in these more current situations is that sometimes people don’t want closure, or they instead want a version of the ending where everything turns out how they had hoped. And while that’s comforting, it also keeps us looking back instead of moving forward.
Letting Go
Letting go is scary, even when we know it’s necessary. I have seen this with my friends when I know their relationship is on the rocks or with my family when there is a loss. Saying goodbye to someone or something that hurt us feels like losing a part of who we are, even if it was a painful chapter. However, I have learned that letting go doesn’t have to mean forgetting, but rather it can mean giving ourselves space to breathe, to grow and to finally stop romanticizing what never worked. I think that sometimes the hardest endings are also the most freeing.