University of the Confused

When high school graduation came around, no tears were shed for me. I was excited, ready for a new adventure in a new place. Sure, I was going to miss the friends I had become accustomed to, and the comfort of my family would be gone, but it was exciting. 

I think the transition was exciting because there were set expectations. I knew what was going to happen next. I knew I would live in a dorm where I would get sick of the food.I knew I would go to class and pull a once a month, red bull fueled all nighter cramming for an exam. I knew I would go to parties and fulfill the college stereotype of the best years of my life. I knew the expectations of what was next after high school.

Yet as college graduation seems to creep up, I don’t know what’s next and I don’t know what to expect.

It is a big question to ask oneself, what am I going to do with my life? In many ways I see college as a four year bumper after high school, delaying the need to answer the question. I also thought my four years in college would answer that question. Some days I feel like it has, other days I feel like it has me even more confused than where I started. It’s a thought that brings anxiety, knowing that it’s almost time to answer that question. 

I, like many, don’t know what is next for me. I don’t know where I’ll live, what my job will be, and in general, what I am doing. I don’t have a plan, nor do I have expectations. That is why this transition is scary, rather than exciting.

Yet, the more I ponder on this idea of the unknown future, and the fears that come along with it, I begin to see the thrill in it all. Coming to college with expectations provided comfort, I knew what I was getting myself into. Graduating college and entering wherever I may go has no expectations, which means the possibilities are endless. And isn’t that what Tumblr has told us all, ‘ Life begins at the end of your comfort zone’. Although I doubt this was aimed at a confused college grad, I do find it fitting. Maybe I don’t have the answer to the question of what I want to do with my life, but maybe it is going to be an adventure finding it. That is where I begin to find clarity, and excitement, in this looming fear into adulthood.