What Does Your Favorite Madison Bar Say About You?

 

Okay, it’s time. You spent all day studying and now you must rally the troops to go out for the night, and you’re feeling yourself. You look good, you feel good, your work is all finished, so where are you headed tonight? Get ready for the cold, hard truth about what that says about you.

 

If you pick The Double U … You’re a social butterfly.

UU is always busy, and while some avoid it because of those lines, you know that the bigger the line, the more fun it’ll be inside. You can’t step onto the dancefloor without seeing at least five people you know from miscellaneous student organizations, classes, and internships. Sure, UU might be a tad overdone, but who cares? Where else can you feel like you’re at a kegger without actually being at a kegger? You wouldn’t dare go somewhere else, because your FOMO would skyrocket after seeing a night’s worth of snapchats from friends together there. Sure, you might be overly influenced by your crew, but you’re most comfortable when you’re with a large group of people and knowing you’re not missing out on anything.

 

If you pick Danny’s Pub … You’re a subtle freak.

If you’ve ever been upstairs at Danny's past midnight, it’s like watching the zombie apocalypse begin — the good turn very, very ugly. The dancing, the grinding, the sweat, you know you love it all. If Danny’s is your bar of choice, you’re lowkey kind of a freak (and I mean this in the best way possible.) You seem sweet and innocent during the day, but when the lights do down, the bass goes up, and the windows get steamy, you come alive woman. We see you getting weird on that dance floor, and we appreciate it. Don’t worry, no one has to know.

 

If you pick Plaza … You’re a hipster (but would never call yourself that).You came straight from The Daily Cardinal office to get a few long islands and forget about the lede that’s giving you a headache before you head back to the Vilas dungeons to pass out on the grimy couch. While you wait in line, you’re disappointed the cold is killing your high. You might roll your eyes a few times as you hear a sorority girl behind you yell “I wanted to go to KK!” but you’ll distract yourself by posting your latest and best meme on the UW-Madison Memes of Milk-Chugging Teens page. Do not come in your bodycon dress, lacey onesie or heeled booties — you are not welcome here — we accept vintage, hand-me-downs, and thrift only. Other than that, we are a totally inclusive crowd. Come as you are — LGBTQ, nipple piercings, and sexual active band members — yes, please!

 

If you pick Mondays … You're stressed out.

If you willingly choose to drink yourself into a hangover (it only takes about two drinks at Mondays), you must be using the bar as a cathartic experience. You’re held to insanely high standards (either by yourself or your family), but when you allow yourself time to go out, it’s time to let loose. You want to get drunk, and you want to get drunk fast. Mondays is the place for it. You are so kind, nice, and normal during the day, always put together and smiling. Mondays is lively but unassuming, like you! When you get a night at the watering hole, you finally don’t have to be anything but wasted — it’s liberating. Mondays is your responsible self’s place to be irresponsible.

 

If you pick Lucky’s … You’re underage.

Oh, you love Luckys on a Thursday night? So does every freshman living in Sellery. Let’s talk when you turn 21.

 

If you pick Red Rock Saloon … You’re a Midwestern townie.

Careful there, you’re small-town pride is showing! Look, there’s nothing technically wrong with big truck fetishes, but keep the eye goggling at the handsome, tall man in cowboy boots to a minimum. You probably spent most of your high school years partying in fields and barns, and Red Rock is a totally nostalgic experience for you. You don’t need fancy mixers, not when Busch Lite will do just fine. Who couldn’t help themselves but jam to some old-school Waylon Jennings? You’re low key (read: high key) looking for the Tim McGraw to your Faith Hill, and a boy who was raised with similar values of simple living and hard work is exactly what you want.

 

If you pick Paul’s Club … You’re grandiose.

The fact that you even knew what that word means proves my point. College is a phase, a stepping stone if you will, into the start of your real life. You can’t wait to graduate and begin a career. You daydream of bigger cities, better wardrobes, larger apartments, prettier views, and more handsome bar mates. Paul’s Club, while still in Madison, brings in a crowd even just slightly closer to your standards. Older, richer men to buy you drinks? You’re not complaining. You’re not into getting trashed anymore, you want to drink red wine in a penthouse with the love of your life. You’re ready to be old(er). Some call you a bore, but all you hear is “ambitious” — let the peasants say what they want.

 

If you pick KK … You’re queen bee.

… and you know it. Whether you're actually of legal drinking age or not, you don’t have to worry about getting in because you already know the bouncer. And while you let him think there might be a chance with you, you really know your boyfriend from DSP is already at the bar getting you a G&T. He and his buddies are bragging to the bartender about being on barstool (again) last night. Let’s be honest, you’re highly influential on campus. You have tons of Instagram followers and people are constantly sliding into your DM’s (regardless of the boyfriend). Everyone in your sorority looks up to you and for good reason! You’re kind, you have a great butt and you still are finding the time to get nearly perfect grades. Coming from a long line of Badger alums, you have a status to uphold! So, while you’re making your presence known tonight, you won’t be getting blacked out. Mistakes happen while blacked out, and you don’t allow for mistakes. Plus, it’ll be up to you to play mom later when three out of the four friends you came with can’t figure out how to get home.  

 

No matter your choice, you know a night out in Madison is bound to be a great time. Even our Paul's Club fans can't help but admit there's something special about this campus and this city.