Notes for my younger self
As I approach my twenties (scary), I find myself becoming even more introspective. Part of this introspection has inherently become a reflection on my “youth.” As I wandered this mental path, I started to wonder what my younger self would think about where I am now. Would she be terrified, proud or concerned? I began to frame the good things in my life, thinking about all the wonderful experiences I have had that would not have been possible without hardship.
I really hate the saying “everything happens for a reason.” It is quite frankly very hard for me to come to terms with so many awful things that seem to happen to such undeserving people every day “happening for a reason.” That said, to run through scenarios and guess at alternate endings is exhausting self-torture. I truly do like to believe that while things may not have “happened for a reason,” I would not be the strong version of myself without them.
Part of this process came from the fact that I read The Midnight Library by Matt Heig in January. This book was super reflective for me in terms of my mental health and general growth as a person. One of the book’s main themes is the exhaustion of categorizing the stages of your life as regrets. Since reading this book, I have realized how much of my life I was viewing in that exact context.
It is so incredibly easy to revert to “if onlys” when regarding failed relationships, missed opportunities and lack of effort. After reading this book, I started to catalog the things that I wish someone could have told me during the times in which I felt that nothing would improve. Here are a couple of the highlights.
It is okay to be emotional. Feeling things deeply makes you a better person. Knowing what it is to be devastatingly sad or angry does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Experiencing large feelings over real and upsetting moments is not an overreaction. If you are processing something that strongly, it is valid and important.
Real friends don’t offer selective love. People that can truly call themselves your friend are those who regularly contribute good and positive things to your life. They will do so without selfish motivation or one-sided efforts. They will uplift you when you are defeated and celebrate you when you have succeeded. It is okay to stop trying when someone does not return your efforts. A good friend should make you feel good about yourself. Always.
There is nothing wrong with being passionate about things that others find strange. Being invested in books or school or even politics are things that create an identity. To bury your interests or mask your opinions is to hide who you are. The less you attempt to create a false personality, the more genuine the people that surround you become.
Family means everything. Appreciate the time you can spend with them before you are so excited to move away. Enjoy the unconditional love and proximity of those who care for you so much. You will miss them so much at times it will physically hurt. That is just your heart reminding you that you have people to love and to cherish, even when they are far.
Most importantly, you always have things to learn. It may sometimes seem like you have the world entirely deciphered, every issue entirely understood. This is almost always an illusion. It is scary to know that you may never be done learning new things. It is also so beautiful. Your opinions will change hundreds of times, and you will be better for it. What an amazing life to live – that we are given the chance to discover more every moment that we exist.
These are just some of the reflections that I came upon, I hope they may be illuminating for others as well. The world is such a complex place that each person experiences and feels so differently. I think it is important to remember that.