Anyone else feeling the pressure and stress of sophomore year? I am too, but it can be a lot less scary with perspective
Your first year of college is a huge transition, so people are constantly checking in on you throughout the year—they ask you how classes are, if you’re making friends, if you’re homesick. But sophomore year? You rarely hear from the people who were constantly reaching out the year before. You’re supposed to be fine by now. You’ve gone through a whole year of college life. You should be established, have your major figured out and be living your best life. The reality is, I am not sure any of us have that all figured out, and I know for me, I definitely do not. Sophomore year is an emotional, academically challenging and extremely transitional year that the people in your life often overlook.
The shift to independence
Other than the emotions of sophomore year, the tangible changes might be just as scary. It is your first time living in an apartment, entirely responsible for everything in your life. No dorms where your bathroom gets cleaned for you every day, no dining halls where you can swing by to pick up already-made food and not have to do any dishes or worry about when you are going to spend the time or the money to go grocery shopping. This is the first year you have to hold yourself completely accountable for paying rent on time and buying toilet paper. It might seem stupid, but after not really ever having to do that before, it adds a lot of stress to an already stressed-out college student’s life. The loss of this structure can lead to emotional reflection and a sense of downfall.
The emotional weight
Like I said before, in freshman year, everyone wants to know how you are holding up. Parents call every day, hometown friends are constantly asking to group FaceTime because we are so not used to going longer than a day without talking, and even people from high school you barely talked to reach out or swipe up on your stories just to see how the college life is treating you.
But in sophomore year, a lot of those check-ins slow down. People assume you’re settled now, or just simply forget to reach out because they are used to you being gone. And that realization is tough to accept. I actually wrote my Common App essay about how I have had to teach myself that people’s lives will go on just fine without you there. It might seem self-centered to be sad about that, but it is really real when you see those people every day and now they just go on with their everyday lives. I have gotten a lot better at accepting this, yes, but it can make you feel really lonely. There is no built-in social safety net like you got in high school or in the dorms; it can just be really isolating if you don’t go out of your way to see people. High school friends are busy, like you are, and the exciting new friends you made first year are still there, but equally as busy, which makes it hard to see them as much as you did last year.
There is something about sophomore year that feels slightly like you are floating in the middle of the lake and not drowning but nowhere near the shore, out of sight from anyone looking out on the lake. Just floating, waiting for something to make you feel anchored again.
Pressure to have it all figured out
If the loneliness of sophomore year doesn’t get to you, I am sure the pressure probably will. This is the first year everything starts to matter—or at least that’s how it feels. You’re stuck looking for internships, making sure to keep your GPA up and definitely know what you want to do with your life. But that is not at all the case!
That is because sophomore year you turn the big 20 (two-zero as my mom loves to call it). And by 20, you’re supposed to know who you are, what you want and where you’re going. But most of us are still trying to figure out what we’re having for dinner, let alone what we want to do for the rest of our lives.
Everything this year piles up so high that most of us are left with no time to even start thinking about big questions like that. It’s exhausting and this is me telling you that is okay! It is easy to feel like everyone else is ahead of you in the invisible race to “have your life together.”
Take a deep breath, you’re still learning
Through all of this stress and pressure, I have realized that you are not supposed to have this all figured out. This year feels like a wake up call, but not in the way you’d think. It is about realizing that you are not behind. Everyone is just trying to balance becoming who they want to be with surviving the week ahead.
Being 20 is not about being perfect. It is about learning to give yourself grace and understanding that growth isn’t linear, that it is okay to change your mind. You can still miss home while building a life in a new place.
Maybe sophomore year is hard because it’s the first time life stops being about transition and starts being about becoming. And maybe, just maybe, that is exactly what it is supposed to be.
To anyone in the thick of sophomore year, feeling the weight of the isolation and expectations, take a deep breath. You’re doing amazing and one day when you look back you will see that this year—the year no one warned you about—was quietly building you up in ways you will carry with you for the rest of your 20s and beyond.