It’s time to date yourself!
Recently, the concept of solo dates has gained popularity on social media. It is the act of going on a date with yourself; whether it’s going to the movies by yourself, eating at a restaurant alone or going out for coffee solo. Any activity with the intention of self-care and self-love is defined as a solo date. Solo dates are essential to our ever-changing, always complex navigation of growing up, figuring out what we love, and exploring the world around us.
People are social beings, but we also need our alone time (even extroverts!) because in our alone time, we are devoid of distractions that prohibit us from knowing who we really are. Think about it: when you’re hanging out with your friends talking about silly and important things, are you reflecting on your inner desires or struggles? No, you’re thinking about that funny inside joke, or how to show your friend you care about them. Your thoughts are primarily centered around everything outside of yourself. But, during a solo date, you are creating time for yourself to confront these inner desires and struggles in a way that is fun, and loving.
Solo dates can be uncomfortable, anxiety inducing and weird. It is hard to be alone with yourself, and it’s even harder to be perceived as being alone. But, discomfort breeds growth! We always like to bring a friend along as a safety blanket. We beg our friends to go to a club meeting with us so we’re not alone. We drag our friends to ask a teacher a question. We force our friends to go study with us. And yes, in some cases this is an important safety practice (especially for girls!), and yes, it is great to spend time with people you love. But, doing hard things alone is essential in growing up, finding independence, gaining confidence and learning self-reliance. You will feel so proud of yourself and so confident in your own skills and character after you do something scary alone. Go to a club meeting alone. Go to a restaurant alone. Go to a concert alone. It will teach you things about yourself that you would never have discovered if you were distracted by the light-hearted cheerfulness of being with your friends.
Not only are solo dates important for building our emotional toolkit, they are a wonderful act of self love. The solidarity of a solo date allows time and space for self-appreciation. You are intentionally doing something you, alone, enjoy. That’s an amazing, and powerful act of self-love. Self-love boosts confidence, stimulates self understanding, invigorates reflection, which then inspires creativity, and overall increases contentment. It is so important to find love in sources that don’t rely on other people! So, go treat yourself to a beverage, a nice meal, a picnic in the park, or a lovely musical performance! Show up for yourself!
Being present is a constant battle in modern society. There are so many distractions: work, social media, relationships, etc. Solo dates force you to be completely present in a specific, reflective way. If you are eating alone at a nice restaurant, you are acutely aware of your surroundings: the paintings on the wall, the size of your fork, the taste of your food, the couple having a passive-aggressive argument across from you, the servers chatting amongst themselves, the smell of the risotto and lobster tail wafting from the kitchen. You don’t notice these things when you are with others. Solo dates slow you down, allow your mind to wander and your to-do list to be set aside.
Solo dates are integral in cultivating our most important relationship: the one with ourselves. They simulate growth by navigating the uncomfortable. They perpetuate self-love and self-acceptance. They strengthen our understanding of our own likes, dislikes and dreams. Solo dates are part of growing up and learning how to be comfortably alone. So, open up your calendar, and schedule a solo date with yourself! It requires no small talk and is guaranteed to be fulfilling!