Reckoning with Rejection
I’ve been described as ‘over sensitive’ since I was a child. My feelings are as bruisable as a peach. My head is in a never-ending loop of “Are they upset with me” and “Is everyone okay?” Starting college was the perfect soil for my overthinking brain.
I recently went to a sorority recruitment event for the first time. I previously had little interest in being in a sorority, but I was invited to the event by some nice girls and felt excited by the idea of making new friends. While I can understand some of the appeals and benefits of joining a sorority, I am now convinced rush is not one of them. I admit that I was poorly prepared for what this process would look like, but I found it to be massively overwhelming and entirely too scripted. I felt on the fence about joining and was doubting if I even wanted to do it. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to make the decision. This group didn’t want me to do it either.
I didn’t expect to feel so crushed by that rejection email. I had not become too attached or invested in this sorority but regardless of that logic, I still cried my eyes out on my bedroom floor. I kept asking myself, why don’t they like me? What’s wrong with me? What did I do? Even though this rejection was for the best, it still really hurt my feelings.
It sucks to feel like you’re being overly sensitive over something. It becomes isolating to think that every feeling is felt so intensely in a way others might not understand. I often question if I’m capable of processing my emotions normally, or if it feels this overwhelming for everyone else.
I am here to assure every like-hearted girl that your sensitivity is a gift, not a burden. Allowing myself to feel hurt helps me understand myself better. I don’t push any feelings away, I lay it all on the table. Practicing this type of self-awareness makes me a better friend, too. Being sensitive allows me to approach my friends’ troubles with a more intimate humility and understanding. Because I let myself get so worked up over the recruitment event, I feel a greater ache when I notice exclusivity towards others. Sensitivity opens the door for radical honesty and empathy for ourselves and others. Being emotional is how we all connect.
It’s women in particular who will be criticized for being overly sensitive. One should never be criticized for simply feeling too much. But it’s true that the most sensitive people are often the ones most taken advantage of or even ignored. I know how hurtful it can be to feel like all you do is think about other people’s feelings only for them to not consider yours at all. That’s why we must protect our hearts in this process. After my sudden rejection, I spent the whole day teary-eyed and listening to Mitski. But after, I focused on spending time with people who fulfill me and activities that sustain me. It’s important to recognize and honor the vulnerability it takes for someone to be openly sensitive. It’s reasonable to expect a similar standard of respect in return. It’s not worth having your feelings hurt over someone who never considered them in the first place.
While this level of reflection over a rejection from a sorority may seem a little silly, I’m glad I didn’t sacrifice my ability to be truthful about how much it hurt. While my tendency to overthink can be more harmful than helpful, I do believe that embracing the “big” feelings in life is how one best gets in touch with their personal values and principles. Being overly sensitive is how I see the world and I think I’m all the better for it.