It’s election year again, folks! It seems like the incident of 2016 was yesterday, but thankfully, we have a chance to fix it! Please vote. I’m begging you.
Since the election will most likely be Trump or Pence vs the Democratic pick, it’s important to know who the candidates for the Democratic ticket are. In 2019, I made a list of the Democratic candidates that were running, but a lot has happened since then. We lost both Kamala and Corey, as well as a bunch of people whose names we’ve all forgotten. Considering that, here are the remaining candidates summed up in 50 words or less.
- Michael Bennet
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He has the energy of the girl with a lot of feelings at the end of Mean Girls. I don’t know if he’s got anything going on right now, in all honesty.
- Michael Bloomberg
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Former mayor of New York and VERY rich. I was trying to watch videos from Kitchen Nightmares, but it seemed that every other ad was one of his. Guess he knows how to target the general public.
- Joe Biden
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Are we really going to ignore everything he’s done? No. We aren’t. Take a shot every time he mentions he was Vice President.
- Pete Buttigieg
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Intersectional Reaganomics and Classism but WOKE.
- John Delaney
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John, I know you’re doing your best, but visiting every county in Iowa isn’t really much of an achievement.
- Tulsi Gabbard
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She supported Bernie back in 2016, which is cool. But she also met with Al-Assad. It’s a mixed bag really.
- Bernie Sanders
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Democratic Socialist and known for passing a lot of legislation. Protested for civil rights in the 1960s. Hillary probably ghosts him.
- Amy Klobuchar
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The way she went after Kavanaugh was LEGENDARY. Will personally end the opioid crisis.
- Deval Patrick
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Second black governor elected in the US. His emphasis on life sciences in Massachusetts is very endearing to me as a genetics major.
- Tom Steyer
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NextGen guy, spending his money on this for some reason. Achieved his goal of impeaching Tr*mp.
- Elizabeth Warren
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She’s just vibing, bro. Straight vibing. She’s got a plan for that. Don’t worry.
- Andrew Yang
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Universal Basic Income, baby. Our boy Yang has a UBI, aka Freedom Dividend– $1,000 for all Americans.
When you’re voting for real, do in depth research on the candidates. Please.