Quick letters to the unnamed friends
I’ve been reflecting a lot on how my friendships have changed through college. It’s both a loss and a gift to have been living life with so many people. I have so many memories with people I don’t talk to anymore and so many memories to make with friends I haven’t met yet. I’ve been tossing and turning with the fact that some of the people in my life who I thought would be in my wedding freshman year, definitely won’t be now that I’m a senior. I knew that friendships would come and go, but it’s sad that there are people I probably won’t cross paths with again and simultaneously happy that I have the people who are currently in my life. Here are the notes I’ve written to a few of my college friends, both current and past.
1. The friend I loved freshman year who I haven’t seen in months
We’ve gone our separate ways, we’ve grown in different directions. While you’re interested in one thing, I am interested in something on the opposite side of the spectrum. We were attached at the hip in our dorm, only steps away from each other but we’ve found our callings away from one another. I’m grateful that you were a part of my college life and helped me become who I am today. I’m grateful that we moved away from our friendship gracefully. Freshman year me would have been lost without you, Senior year me is peacefully moving away.
[Photo of memes sent back and forth via text]
2. The friend who I met more recently who sends me funny videos everyday
I’m so grateful to have you in my life. You’re a source of joy and laughter for me and all of the friends we share. While I may not know you well enough by best friend standards, I am so comfortable around you and adore spending time with you. I am grateful to be able to see you, to spend time with you even if it’s just sitting in the same room doing homework. You are a constant light in my life, I am coming over later.
3. The friend I go out with on weekends in a group
We have so much fun, and I’m grateful that you’re there to have fun with me. You’re the one I go to when I want to just smile and dance, not worry about what is going on with my life. I used to envy your friends who get to hang out with you one on one, as if they’re more worth your time than I was. But I’ve come to understand that it’s not personal, and the less personal friend is the friend you need me to be. Not every friend is going to fill every gap all at once, I’m blessed to have grown up with you.
4. The friend who sticks through my bad days
You’re the best. Can you please hang out with me forever? Can we just go on every trip together and make dinner at least twice a week? Also I’m coming over tomorrow.
5. The friend who prioritizes her relationship with a boy over any of her female friendships
There was once a time where I would see you almost everyday and then one day it was gone. I tried so hard to reach out to you, but I was no longer first. You made me so insecure about how I treat my friends, how I thought people perceived me. You’ve made me grow into myself, someone who doesn’t rely on other people for validation. My confidence has grown because you left me and our girls behind. I was sad at first, then angry, then oddly began to feel bittersweet about it all. You’re now a stepping stone in my young adulthood, rather than the whole story.
6. The friend I see for dinner once in a while who is a thousand miles away
I miss you. I wish you were here, I wish you went to school with me. I wish you lived closer to me and that I could bother you every day and night.
7. The friend who needed to take a break from school and dropped off the face of the earth
I know you’re in a better place mentally now. I know there’s a reason why you didn’t return to school and deleted all of your social media. I just wish there was some way for you to reach out to me and tell me you’re okay. I know that you need to be away from this all, but I miss you.
The people who have impacted who I have met in college have been formative to who I am. I’m grateful to know them and have gotten the chance to know them, even if I don’t talk to them anymore. Maybe one day I’ll reconnect with them, and maybe I won’t but either way, they’ve made me who I am.