You Don’t See Me: An Original Poem About Being Misunderstood

I don’t know what’s so wrong with me

That everyone feels like they can’t give me a chance.

I don’t want to have to change myself

To be the girl you desire,

But now I feel I have no choice.

I’ve been down that road for years:

 

Putting on makeup to make him

Fall in love with me,

Wearing tight pants so another

Would want to touch my ass,

And stopped eating

Because someone else didn’t like a thick girl.

 

After years of self-hate,

I finally discovered self-love...

 

Until another one of you came along

And made me feel invisible.

Since I laid eyes on you, I’ve woken up early

To put a full face of makeup on.

I didn’t know how to contour, but I learned

So you’d notice my pretty face.

I went and bought shapewear

In hopes that you’d come into favor of my curves.

I haven’t eaten in three days

And in three months,

I’ve lost almost 30 pounds.

 

I’m losing control trying to change myself on the outside

For all of you.

 

What I’d wish you’d notice

Was how easy it is for me

To make anyone in the room laugh.

Or my voice

When my favorite song comes on.

Or how I care for everyone I meet.

 

Oh, how I care.

 

I would knock the very breath you take out of your lungs

If you ever saw

How I could make you feel so loved

So worthy

So important.

 

I’m losing myself because no one has given me a chance.

 

All that my friends had to say was

“At least you can move on now,”

But what they don’t understand

Is that it’s not so much stopping my feelings that’s hard

But the wondering why I’m never good enough.

Wondering

What sets them apart from me.

Wondering

What about me overshadows my heart of gold

From being seen.

 

That’s what’s hard.

There’s no moving on from that.