I’m a sucker for romantic books and movies: the main characters who fall for the hot guy who’s also a super successful doctor always pulls at my heartstrings. But the problem with being in love with stereotypical love stories is having too high of expectations. I’ve been waiting my whole teenage life for a buff man with a dashing smile to sweep me off my feet when I’m least expecting it.
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I’m torn between my love for romance and my disgust for the holiday. I’m someone who has never had a boyfriend, so watching couples being all lovey-dovey makes me feel extremely frustrated. February 14th gives me a strong desire to hold a guy’s hand and to make out a little (or a lot), but those desires always burn into a pile of ash.
Another problem with being the love-starved human that I am is that I fall for pretty much any guy that pays attention to me. Get in someone’s way and they put their hand on the small of my back as they go around me? I’ll be testing out his last name for the next hour. Make eye contact with a guy from work who I’ve literally never seen, let alone talked to? I want to smash.
See? It’s a real problem.
Sure, holding a Galentine’s Day with your best friends may soften the forever-alone blow just a little bit. That is, until one of them tells you that it can’t be on Valentine’s Day because they finally have a boo to bang from sun up until sun down that day. Okay, cool. I wanna get nailed down, too, but you don’t see me ditching our girl’s day for a hot daddy. Though, to be fair, I would probably do the same if I were in the same boat.
My plan for February 14th is to go to work like I always do on Thursday nights and deal with crabby old people for six hours before coming home and scrolling through my friends’ sappy romantic posts. Maybe I’ll even buy Wild Cherry Capri Suns and Honey Buns to treat myself like the queen I am.
Maybe you are torn between romance in the media and the gross romance in real life. Even if your crushes don’t even notice you, or you’re just a horny mofo (which is totally normal with all those sexy, life-ruining hormones coursing through you), your greatest Valentine will always be your mama.
So, this holiday season, stuff your face with the candy your mom sent you and live your best life. The greatest part of being alone and single on Valentine’s Day is that you don’t have to share your sh*t with anyone.
So, on that note, spend the next two and a half weeks wallowing in your pity. XOXO
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