Growing up, I was raised in a Lutheran church surrounded by wonderful, open-minded and caring people. I attended services most Sundays with my family and Confirmation classes on Wednesdays up until I was confirmed in ninth grade. Most Sundays, I dreaded going to the services because they were “boring” and I didn’t really get anything out of them. One of the requirements for me to get confirmed was to write down what I learned from each sermon on the provided sheets. Most of the time, I was so stubborn that my mom would have to fill them out for me. After getting confirmed, I didn’t continue to go to church and was overall disconnected from my confirmation group.
Throughout high school, I had no interest in religion or learning about God. I was living merely to please myself and I was quite anxious most of the time. I latched onto anything that I thought would make my life better or more interesting, such as sports, friends, books and Netflix shows. Though these things gave me temporary happiness, I was never fulfilled. I was searching for something, anything I could rely on and trust 100% of the time, but I never found it. Friends were lost, I quit sports, and the books and TV shows ended.
At the beginning of my senior year, I went through a pretty nasty friend breakup. I was completely destroyed by it and I didn’t know how the rest of my final year in high school would turn out. I was left with no close friends other than my soccer team, but many of them went to different schools. I got to a point of crying out to something, anything or anyone who could hear me and I pleaded for something to change. Luckily, things did.
In my pre-calculus math class, I met two girls named Brie and Solveig. I knew of them before the class, but we weren’t friends by any means. Over the course of the year, I became extremely close with them and they became two of the most trusted people in my life. I couldn’t believe the timing of this: I had just lost a bad friend and then gained two amazing ones.
One night, my friend Brie invited me to her youth group. I was hesitant—but she was my friend and I wanted to spend time with her—so I went. I was in shock of how welcoming and happy everyone was there. Despite the busyness of high school, these students would take time to slow down and worship God each week. Now, I wasn’t too sure about this whole Jesus thing, but I did know I loved the music that was played before each small group time. I was uncomfortable at first: many people were singing with their eyes closed and their hands in the air—I had never seen anything like it before. I was definitely interested in what this was all about, but I was too scared to really ask any important questions. Though Brie and I’s friendship stayed strong, I stopped attending her small group. I made every excuse as to why I couldn’t go, and I could tell it saddened her.
Fast-forward to freshman year of college, I had a great roommate and friends, but I was still clinging onto temporary idols. I had a very exciting first semester, and I even got to go out to Virginia with Solveig to surprise Brie at Liberty University. The weekend was awesome, but I was very skeptical of Christianity because this huge Christian school had many rules that I thought were pretty ridiculous. Though I was very turned off from God, I attended a church that Sunday and the worship team sang the song “Tremble,” and this was the first time I extremely loved a worship song. I remember standing there trying to remember the words so I could look it up after the service. When I got back from Virginia, reality kicked back in and I had to face the fact that I really didn’t like Winona. I felt like it was boring compared to the beautiful place I had just been, and there wasn’t much the town could offer me. These thoughts caused me to apply to the University of Minnesota and got in. I had to choose whether I wanted to stay in this boring town or go back to the city I grew up living in. It seemed like a clear decision until I was invited to a college ministry.
Two girls who I knew from high school, Nikki and Sarah, also went to Winona and had been asking me for weeks to come with them to H2O, a college ministry at a church near campus. Like I had done with Brie’s small group, I consistently made excuses as to why I couldn’t go when most times I would just be laying in my bed not doing anything. One night I ended up going, and it was the best decision I could’ve made. Though I don’t remember what the college pastor, Daniel, talked about, I had an amazing talk with Sarah and my other friend Haley in their dorm that night. This became a recurring routine: we would go to H2O, and after, we’d talk and watch different shows. I heard their testimonies of how they formed a relationship with Jesus and crazy encounters that couldn’t be explained by anything else than God.
During this season of my life, I really was thriving in all aspects. My grades were getting better, my skin was clearing up, I had a newfound confidence, I was loving on others, and most importantly I had an amazing new community and a blossoming relationship with God. On the last H2O of the year, there were baptisms. I did not come into the night expecting to get re-baptized, I was really just hoping to be inspired by others doing so. There was worship while everyone was getting baptized, and I was very into it when I felt God stirring in my heart. I tried to ignore the intense beating in my chest, but I couldn’t. I got to a point where I knew that this was the night I would publicly declare my love for Christ. With tears streaming down my face, I looked over at my friend Haley and she was also very emotional. We hugged, changed and got in line to be baptized. When I got up on stage, the loud music drowned out by Daniel’s voice. At that moment, he told me everything I needed to hear. He addressed things I had gone through that no one knew about, and there’s no way he could’ve known about—God is good! After I got off stage, Nikki and Sarah were extremely happy for me, and Nikki prayed over me. It was such a surreal night, as I was experiencing a spiritual high. I remember I wanted to feel like that all the time by spreading the Word of God to whoever I met.
Moving toward the summer and where I’m at now, I have grown immensely. I started attending Grove Community Church right outside of Minneapolis and I have never been challenged in my faith more than I have at this church. Their mission statement is “Empowering Everyday Believers,” and I think that is awesome. They often talk about how the church is just a launchpad into the world, and I really resonate with that. I have watched so many lives be transformed through Christ, and I strive to share the Gospel as God calls us to do (Psalm 96:2-3) with those who are unsure or don’t know God. The pastors at Grove also talk about how they feel God is calling them to put an end to spectator Christianity. This is something that in this current season of my life I am really trying to focus on. Many times I find myself going to church, taking notes and then not applying what I’ve learned to my daily life. My sins are heavy, but that is why there’s grace (John 3:17).
I have grown so much over the course of this past year and I hope I can encourage others to ask the hard questions about Christianity that I once was too afraid to. Life gets busy, but God is busier chasing you!