They say you make stronger and closer friendships in grad school than in college, in college than in high school, and so on. With that in mind, and the fact that I didn’t have many friends in high school, I came into Williams thinking this would be the case for me and was very eager to get to know who my lifelong friends were going to be. And thus, I fell into the trap of introducing myself to people whenever I got a chance and became disillusioned that I had a larger group of close friends than I actually had. This not only resulted in getting myself hurt, but I also neglected those that I should have appreciated more. Although friendships vary for everyone, I want to share my experiences from over the past three years at Williams in hopes that maybe it’ll help someone out who’s having a tough time managing friendships.
The Good
To be blunt, Williams students are pretty fantastic and interesting people. It’s hard not to fall in love with someone for a split second when getting to know them. You can’t really go wrong with choosing friends here. On top of the fact that Williams has such a small student body, I find it impossible to go a day without seeing a face I don’t recognize. With that being said, I found my closest friends to be from close environments, like my entry (back when it was the size that entries are supposed to be), the WWRFC (Williams Women’s Rugby Football Club), and the Summer Science Program.
Unlike most incoming freshman, I chose to live in a double because how could getting to automatically know one other person possibly hurt? And thankfully, I lucked out. My roommate and I clicked like no other pair of roommates, and she became the best friend that I never knew I needed. We’ve made amazing memories living together and continue to do so to this day. If Ididn’t have her support system freshman year, I would’ve been a complete mess, and for that, I’m thankful for her continued friendship everyday.
That is not to say that support and great times only come from really close friends. When I think back on my time here, I remember so many hilarious and even vulnerable times that I shared with pretty peripheral people at the time. I think that’s what’s so good about freshman year. You don’t really know anyone but you also don’t not know anyone. It’s the time that allows you to dip your feet into what kinds of people are around you and to decide who you want to surround yourself with going forward. Unfortunately, that means everybody meets someone that just doesn’t work well with them. You just have to be able to recognize which people you should place in your front pocket, your back pocket, and the past and where you stand with others in that respect as well.
Williams can be a hard place to further develop friendships though because there’s not that much to do. While that’s true, you know friendships here are genuine because it forces you to focus more on the quality of friendships, rather than something more material. Here are some rather wholesome things you can do with you friends though: self-care day (face masks, watch a movie/show, have some snacks and an occasional glass of wine if you’re of age), hike (whether it’s Stone Hill or Mt. Greylock, you’re gonna get a great conversation and workout in), and explore the area around you (check out the quarry in Dorset, VT; eat breakfast at the Blue Benn in Bennington, VT; visit Mass MOCA in North Adams, MA).
The Bad
All friendships experience a rough patch at some point, so it’s not something to worry toomuch about if it happens to you. Just know that things will work out if both parties want them towork out because if you want something to happen, you will put in the work it needs to happen. I’ve had arguments and low times with all of my close friends at Williams. The main thing I got out of those situations is that friendships need communication and to be a priority. I made the mistake of ditching my friends once I was in a relationship and did not make time for them. I allowed myself to be a little too selfish, so please make time for people you want to keep in your life and do not take them for granted.
Since Williams is such a small school, it’s pretty easy for news about relationships to spread or for people to notice changes after a while. It sucks because your life should be no one else’s business, but your personal life feels like it’s on display. Unless you’re lucky enough to slide under the radar, you just have to deal with these things the best way you can — ignore them. Or accept the fact that people know personal things about you and decide to not pay any attention to them and whatever opinion they may have of you. If you find yourself having a hard time with this, please reach out to Integrative Wellbeing Services (IWS) and speak with a therapist who may provide further support and assistance.
The Ugly
Yes, it is possible for friendships to get ugly at Williams. In some ways, my experience inthis department has made me more cynical because I’m now hesitant to trust people so freely as I used to. People can be fake. Of course, not everybody is.
In the unfortunate chance that you realize that the person you considered your friend isn’t or shouldn’t actually be your friend, it’s time for you to cut them off. There’s no benefit of having someone around that doesn’t support you and appreciate your friendship. It just requires more work from you, and that’s not fair. It’s undoubtedly going to be hard, depending on how strong your friendship was, but it’s necessary if you want to look out for yourself.
All in all, I don’t want you to get the impression that these are the only ways you’re going to get by with friendships at Williams. I’m still navigating and figuring it all out myself. It’s definitely a learning process unique to everybody. When thinking about with whom you want to surround yourself, give yourself some attention and ask yourself who do you really have a great time being with as opposed to who drains your energy. The friendships that I have had at Williams are by far the best I’ve ever made in my life thus far, so you’ve got a lovely adventure ahead of you. Good luck out there!