People love to give advice. This advice may come from a place of love or a place of caution. Sometimes, it can be a hit and sometimes it can be a huge miss. Either way, it’s important to relish in the successes and recognize the failures. Here is some of the worst advice I have ever received.
Always end relationships on bad terms. The logic was that you would never get back together with someone if you ended it poorly. Also, that being friends with someone you dated would just lead to problems in the future, so it would be best to sever ties permanently. At the time of receiving the advice, this made sense but didn’t feel right. I don’t particularly believe in ending things on bad terms for the sake of it. Each relationship is unique, and I do believe you can be friends with someone you have dated. If you both respect one another and agree that the relationship did not work out, there is no reason you can’t be friends. You cannot predict the future and if things ended for reasons beyond your control, there is no harm in keeping an option open. You never know who you are going to end up with until you’re walking down the aisle. Furthermore, having bad energy in your life can never be a good thing. Why purposefully make trouble with a person if there is no good reason to?
Don’t forgive your friends. When you are done with people you should be done with them. This advice was given to me after a particularly bad falling out with someone I was close with. I was upset, they apologized and I said I needed time. Someone I was seeing suggested that I do not try to mend the relationship as once someone has wronged you, it is best to go your separate ways. Again, this just didn’t feel right. I didn’t end up forgiving this person and I couldn’t be happier with the decision, but sometimes all you need is time. Being so finite and avoidant in your relationships can lead to an inability to keep strong ones. People fight, disagree and sometimes do things that hurt you. A discussion about how things happened, why they happened and moving forward is infinitely better than being bitter.
The list could truly go on and on. From the time I was told to go into STEM because it was a more stable career path to the time I was told to not pursue my career for the sake of a relationship. At the end of the day, you have to do what feels right to you. If you need space, time or anything from another person, it’s important to communicate that and move forward. Sometimes it can be a good thing to cut someone out of your life, but forgiveness is also extremely important and should not be discounted.