Disclaimer: This subject may be triggering and is meant to raise attention to issues regarding sexual assault.
I recently viewed a video about a man who discusses the idea of consensual rape. Hearing this term, it’s hard to understand and can be rather alarming. Consent and sexual assault, those don’t go hand in hand and that’s it – right?
Wrong. In the video, the man reflected back on a time where he was extremely attracted to a certain woman. They hung out several times, and she still ‘did not put out’. Every time they got together, he kept pressing and pressing until eventually, she gave in out of fear of what he would do if she did not have sex with him. As a way to protect herself from violent sexual assault, the woman decided to ‘willingly’ get into bed with the man. Once the man finishes his story, he talks about how she didn’t answer any of his calls, texts or other forms of communication and she essentially disappeared off of the face of the Earth.
He realized later on that he had been so eager to get her into bed with him no matter what, that he didn’t even think about what she was feeling, and practically forced her into bed with him.
Ultimately, consensual rape is a case where an individual ends up having sex or performing acts that they do not want to out of fear of being hurt by another person, even though they do not want to engage in sexual activity.
While this may seem crazy, it is actually a very common issue and can occur in different situations. It is not always men who do the pressuring; there are also cases where women are a little too forceful with their attractions. Anyone can be made a victim, and anyone can also be the one to inflict fear upon another – even sometimes without realizing the consequences of their actions.
Reflecting back on my own experiences, I can recall several times where I have felt pressured or have witnessed similar cases with friends. In a lot of situations, the issues often happen in social settings such as parties or at clubs and bars. Alcohol has a tendency to lower people’s inhibitions and can also cause people to get more aggressive than usual.
While it did not end in sexual abuse, there was a time at a bar where a man cornered me on my way to the washroom. I hadn’t brought my phone with me, the washrooms were downstairs and no one else was around. The man was clearly under the influence of alcohol, grabbed my arm and continued to demand to ‘know who I was’. He insisted that I give him my phone number and follow him on different social media networks, and out of fear I allowed him to follow me on Instagram. Rather than say no to him, which I had wanted to do, I had given him what he wanted in order to avoid any confrontation.
There are also many different reasons for an individual to give into another’s pressuring, and sometimes it’s not always out of fear. In many cases with young people, they enter relationships and often feel social pressures to have sex or start engaging in sexual activity. As well, there are often cases where those who are being pressured in a relationship feel that if they do not give into their partner, that they will lose them or that the person pressuring will not love them anymore, or spread rumours and turn against them. Regardless of the situation or the circumstances, being coerced – whether it be out of fear, not wanting to lose a loved one, or to avoid confrontation – into doing something that you do not want to do is very problematic.
People need to be more aware of their actions, and the effects they can have on other people. On top of this, the issue of rape victims constantly not being believed in courtrooms and by authorities need to stop. Rather than instil more fear in victims, it needs to be known that they can seek justice for the horrible traumas they have experienced or survived. Nobody should be made to feel weak or helpless or uncomfortable in their own skin because sometimes taking away a person’s choice can have more serious impacts than anyone can ever imagine.
If you have ever been put in a situation where you felt you had no choice and were coerced into doing something you did not want to do in order to protect yourself, there are many resources out there for those who have experienced sexual assault.
Resources:
- 24-7 phone support through Sexual Assault Support Centre of Waterloo Region’s Support line: 519.741.8633
- Assaulted Women’s Helpline: 1-866-863-0511
- Sexual Assault/Rape Crisis Centre: 519.571.0121