There is a common misconception that if you aren’t saying that stressful three letter phrase in due time, it’s not meant to be, or there is something wrong with you. You might not actually be progressing in this relationship, and it’s time to cut it off.
For many people who have reached the point in their life where they have put those three words into the universe, it was a stressful experience. Some feel obligated to say it back when their partner has said it first, while others were just ready and able to say it at the same time. Sometimes, when you don’t say it back immediately, there’s this assumption that you don’t see the relationship the same way your partner does, and it takes a negative turn.
We’ve been taught well by our society to live on a timeline. This includes being married by a certain age, so when the time comes, and you’re “aging out,” it’s pretty much time to latch on to whoever you’re with at the time. While many of us are learning to stray away from the norm, and live life by our own rules, for those who are sticking to the status quo it’s sometimes easy to see the stress they fall under when trying to form a solid relationship by 11:59 on their 24th birthday.
I’m not saying this is the case for everyone. Shout out to you if you’ve been able to open yourself up to someone early, form that strong bond, and say I love you. That is amazing. However, I’ve found that when some of my friends report back that they’ve said “I love you” to their partner, it’s followed by “Do you think that was too fast?” and “What if I don’t feel this way in a few months?” Being someone who says what I mean, and means what I say, I could never imagine feeling forced to say something I don’t mean including, “I love you,” or doubting myself after saying it.
The pressure to say I love you has done a little damage. As Tim McGraw said in his song, Humble and Kind, “I love you ain’t no pick-up line.” When something is done or said frequently, it loses meaning, or loses importance, and I think as a society, by pressuring people to take leaps in their relationships like this, we’re losing sight of what’s important when it comes to relationships.
You know- people actually having feelings for one another on their own terms, developing a relationship at their own pace. It’s not such a bad thing, and probably one of the keys to a successful relationship. You shouldn’t have to be forcing feelings in your early twenties, or committing so early; there is so much life to live before you settle down.