Whether you are a Vanderpump Rules fanatic, waiting for James Kennedy to come to a town near you or don’t know the difference between Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz, there’s no denying that society has developed this love for hate. For context, Lisa Vanderpump (LVP), former Real Housewife of Beverly Hills and current queen of West Hollywood, has stolen peoples’ hearts (including mine) with her flat-out honesty, humour in messy situations and lack of care for people’s crap that they try to involve her in. With that, let’s set the scene: you’ve just been put through the wringer with drama because someone did something out of character or perhaps just showed their true colours. The next thing you know, you’re confronted with the classic “Do you hate me?” or even better, “I know you hate me.” Instead of coming up with an elaborate scheme of what you’re going to say back to protect the security of the person who’s seeking your approval and validation, you simply reply with the iconic LVP response, “You’re not important enough for me to hate.” Boom, problem solved. Now, although this may seem harsh and a bit catty to the common person, if you really think about it…wouldn’t all hate-filled problems be resolved if we actually said how we felt instead of trying to beat around the bush to protect the insecurities of someone who just needs a little reality check?
One thing that Vanderpump fans and non-fans have in common is bonding over the hate of someone who messed up. However, something that LVP has unapologetically set the standard for is owning up to your actions and telling it like it is, regardless of whether it’s harsh or not. It’s no secret that people are quick to jump on the “I can’t believe they did that” train or, more simply, the “hate train” when someone messes up. It’s safe to say that sometimes people find it easier to hate than to just be indifferent. While, at times, I admit that I fully absorb this level of toxicity that seems to be all too popular, I’ve begun to learn to take a step back and think to myself, “Is this person that impactful in my life for me to HATE?” Hate is such a strong word that I, myself, throw around every once in a while when I think it’s in good measure. Perhaps I say it when talking about my mom barging into my room and leaving the door wide open or about the way I feel about my professor’s need to hold a 2-hour lecture while whisper-talking. There’s truly a time and less hurtful place for the word “hate.” I know what most of you are thinking, “Isn’t telling someone they’re not important enough to you a bit much?” Some may say yes, but at times, it’s all too necessary in my eyes. If being that direct isn’t your cup of tea, there are different ways to go about sending the “lack of importance” message without bluntly saying it. However, I do feel that those who go around flaunting in a way saying that someone dislikes you need to understand that you have better things in life to worry about and more important things to use your energy on than “hating” someone for something that is ultimately a “them issue”.
One thing about me is I won’t hold a grudge, but if you wrong me or people close to me, it’s okay with me for you to be out of my life. This doesn’t necessarily mean that I hate people, but rather that I choose to make a conscious effort to lead with class and politeness when dealing with someone who doesn’t tickle my fancy or someone who has wronged me in the past. I don’t allow them to take up space in my life. I often feel like it takes way more energy out of me to “hate” someone than to just be tolerant. Rather than “hating” that girl for giving you a dirty look and talking poorly about you, smile and speak politely about her. Instead of bashing your ex for who they ended up with after your relationship ended, disregard them when brought up (and honestly, just be grateful that that girl isn’t you). It takes a much stronger person to choose tolerance and indifference than someone who joins in on the “fun” and temporary satisfaction. They think hating will make them feel better but in reality, it’ll just eat them alive inside when remembering their nasty words.
Choosing tolerance over kindness is imperative in perfecting this LVP analogy. Sometimes, when people mess up, it’s important to realize they aren’t worth the energy of your kind heart. When watching the season 10 reunion of Vanderpump Rules and seeing James, Lala and Ariana destroy Tom and Raquel with their hateful words, I almost cringed. Although they may have deserved it, all Ariana had to do, in my eyes, was show up in her revenge dress and let him ruin his reputation all on his own while letting him appreciate her lack of care. Taking the high road is cliche but never goes out of style. Looking back on my Scandoval-esque situations, I’ve realized that I’ll never regret being polite and showing that the situation reflects the other person, rather than myself. People will appreciate your tolerance and humour in a situation where the other party chooses to slander you. Stand your ground, be classy and the people who are wondering why you don’t let them use your energy will hopefully start to understand that they’re truly not important enough in your life for you to hate… even if the “hate” seems real.
Peace & love,
Gracee