Everyone has ‘that’ friend who isn’t scared to tell them that their outfit looks bad, or that the guy they’re dating just isn’t right for them. This friend can come across as rude or inconsiderate, when in reality they are really just trying to help. If you’re ‘that’ friend, then you know the struggle all too well. This is especially true if you happen to be a woman. I have heard women be called bossy or rude when being straightforward, while men appear as direct or plain-spoken when doing the same thing. Being a straightforward person has affected various aspects of my life for as long as I can remember. Below I have listed some of the struggles of living as a blunt woman, while the rest of the world expects you to remain passive.
1. Dating
I absolutely HATE dating. I am talking about the beginning stages of a relationship when there is supposed to be ‘a chase’ period. This involves the expectations of texting exactly one hour from when he texted you and saying no to dates to appear like you have a life. This is all while leaving just the right amount of mystery about yourself. I am so over these mind games. I would rather call someone and say “Hey, do you like me or not?” then talk about political and religious beliefs on a first date. This way you know aren’t wasting your time. Nothing is worse than realizing it will not work out three months in, after already establishing feelings for that person. I have actually tried the old ‘call and ask someone if they like you’ method before. I learned that wasn’t socially acceptable pretty quickly, and people get weird when you bring up certain topics too quickly. Maybe I will figure out a more straightforward dating technique in the future, but for now I will have to stick to following these minds games like everyone else.
2. Lying
Being blunt also goes hand in hand with being painfully honest and not being able to hide it. I’m not talking about being some sort of evil compulsive liar, I am talking about times when you absolutely have to lie. For example, planning a surprise party. It kills every ounce of you inside knowing you have to lie to a friend or family member for months on end. You just want to tell them what’s going on so they’ll finally stop asking you questions. You are also expected to lie when someone asks if their outfit makes them look bad and it does. If you don’t, it’s not typically received in the best manner. When lying in both of these situations my face turns bright red and I have to look away so they can’t see me withholding any information! I try to completely avoid lying and only do if I absolutely have too.
3. Academics
Do not even get me started on group projects or peer reviews. Like everyone in most group projects, sometimes I feel like I am carrying the weight of the group. When this happens, especially close to a deadline of a project, I just want to say “can you please do your part?” or “the part you wrote wasn’t good, please re-write it.” Unfortunately, this is how you lose friends and people who will sit next to you in class. When you say these things, you know that they are coming from a constructive-criticism/panicked-about-the-mark point of view, but they are taken as a direct personal attack. It is difficult to work with other people when you have to beat around the bush on certain topics, when in reality your only focus is trying to improve your grade. It feels like you’re just losing out on precious time when you could be doing other important things like studying for exams. Group projects would be so much faster if we could explain exactly how we feel about the work.
4. Job Interviews
During job interviews, it shows on my face whether or not I think I am suited for the position they are hiring for. If I think that I would be great for the job, I definitely come across as way too cocky. I end up saying things like “Let me tell you why I’m great,” which doesn’t look the best. Even if you know that you are the perfect fit, you definitely shouldn’t tell the interviewer that directly. If I think I am not well suited for the position, then you can definitely tell. It is difficult to say that you don’t possess a certain skill in an indirect way. Job interviews are a lot of schmoozing and beating around the bush, but you just have to go along with it.
I feel like we live in a world where the message ‘be authentically you’ is branded almost everywhere you look. I find it contradicting that socially we are expected to say one thing while thinking another. If you’re blunt like me, you probably feel like you are just trying to be the real you and take on the world with complete honesty. It can be frustrating when this is misinterpreted as being rude, but honestly you can only laugh in these socially awkward situations and learn along the way.