“I hope my parents never get divorced,” is a phrase that is heard and said quite often. No one wants their parents to split up, and when they do, nothing feels the same. Everything completely changes, and the dynamic of your family life completely takes a turn, but I am here to tell you that it really is not the worst that could happen to a kid, so please stop feeling bad for us.
I’m not going to lie, there are a lot of shitty things that come along with divorces. As the kids forced in the middle of the battle, we get pulled in sometimes. We get caught in between the fight for money, and we constantly get the “ask dad” or “ask mom” when it comes to needing things. There’s the occasional fight between the parents when they both want to have dinners on the same days, or when they both want to take you out on the same night. There also comes the ups and downs with the step parents and the step siblings. Conflict arises here and there, and some situations turn out better than others. Don’t even get me started on family occasions and graduations when BOTH sides of the family have to be there. The tension is so strong you can feel it even when you aren’t part of the family. There are people constantly coming in and out of our lives, and it can be really confusing at times, but there could be worse things happening to us in life, right?
Think about it this way. Would you want to live in a home with constant yelling? A place where when you walk in, you never know what terms your parents are on, and if your dad is sleeping at home that night? Do you want to be in a place where your parents live under the same roof, but you have to go into the master bedroom to get clothing for your dad because he and your mom aren’t speaking, but for legal purposes they still both have to be in the house? Do you want your parents to have to live with someone that they don’t get along with at all, and have to add fighting and yelling to their daily agenda? I can easily guess that your answer is no, because nobody wants or deserves that. That is why you need to stop feeling bad for us.
My biggest pet peeve is the, “OMG your parents are divorced, I’m so sorry”, “I feel so bad! I couldn’t imagine my parents not being together” that us kids of divorced parents often get. The last thing any of us want is your pity, because our parents not being together is definitely a better situation than when they were together. When it comes to divorces, you have to think about everyone. I would never want my parents to stay in a relationship they weren’t happy in, and I would not want to be the child of a marriage that only involved fighting and bickering, when it should be about love and affection. My parents splitting up eventually ended up including them both moving on, and finding people that make them genuinely happy. Wouldn’t you rather see your parents happy with someone else versus them stay together for your sake when they aren’t really happy? It’s not a pretty sight.
The message to take away from a kid with divorced parents is that we ARE okay. Stop feeling bad for us and making us feel like we’re missing out on something, because in our situation, we’re truly benefiting. Our parents are happier than ever, and truth be told, we are too. Everything in life has its ups and downs, and divorces are not excluded from that category, but in most situations, they end up being better for all of us.
Hey, and on the bright side, I have 2 of everything.