When I was 8, I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, commonly known as OCD. I remember learning about it and not understanding how I could feel compelled to do something of my own free will. However, my obsession got worse and I realized this was just something I’d have to live with. If you’ve ever been told you’re making it up, been laughed at or made fun of for having OCD, this one’s for you.
My OCD consumed me, and because of that, I lost my personality and positive qualities. OCD makes you do things that sound silly but feel like a big deal in your mind. For example, one of my biggest triggers was touching things a certain number of times before I felt like nothing bad would happen. These bad things that I thought would happen were related to me, my family, my friends, my life, etc. These thoughts consumed my every thought. I wouldn’t feel satisfied even after I completed one of my compulsions. Right after I did something my mind was telling me to do I would quickly and unintentionally find something else to obsess over. This is the exhausting cycle of OCD.
Some common misconceptions about people with OCD are that we’re always clean, organized and very strategic with where we place things. However, this is not always the case. Yes, some people with OCD may have a more organized lifestyle on the outside but on the inside, their mind is a mess. Some people have different triggers for their OCD. Some people obsess over germs, numbers, patterns and noises.
I’ve done exercises, therapy and taken medication to control this disorder, and still, I suffer daily. I don’t think people who haven’t experienced OCD realize how much it can impact a person’s life. I’ve had doctors laugh at me when I told them I couldn’t eat with my hands because all I saw on my fingers was germs. I felt like no one believed me. It was very hard to have people not take me seriously when I was so clearly struggling.
The problem with mental illness is that there’s no visible problem in your brain. You can’t test someone’s blood for OCD. Because of this, it’s simply your word that’s used to convince people you need help.
My OCD comes and goes in stages in my life when I’m most stressed so starting university was a big trigger for me. Starting any new stage in my life has affected me strongly because change equals new compulsions. New environments can be scary, and OCD tries to cope with the scariness by getting you to focus on something else. Aren’t we just so lucky?
If you’re struggling with OCD or know someone who is, just remember OCD is real, and it affects a lot of people. Never feel like you’re just making something up because no one believes you. Just know that you are not alone.
Let’s overcome this together!