Without even realizing it, I spent many of my teenage years comparing myself with others and their successes. As a child of immigrants within an Asian family, there were many expectations I not only needed to fulfill but exceed and flourish. Whether in school and at work or with my appearance and accomplishments, I frequently found myself trying to prove my worth to others more than to myself.
Many of us in society focus on external markers of achievements as indicators of each other’s perceived worth and value. And as we all know – social media doesn’t offer an accurate representation of a person and their lifestyle or thoughts. Yet, it’s so addicting, and we look to each other for information and begin to compare ourselves when building our own identity. We look to others to discover new restaurants to eat at, decide which travel destination is the most popular for an adventure or look at Instagram models to choose what clothes to wear. During that time of my life, I found myself consumed with social comparison and became exhausted when I realized I couldn’t keep up and forgot how to treat myself with love and compassion.
Nonetheless, I recognize that sometimes these comparisons can be helpful and viewed from a positive perspective. I’ve found inspiration from others’ successes and sometimes felt motivated to change for the better too. Although it’s still an ongoing journey to reclaim my self-worth and stop comparing myself to others, I’ve come a long way and know that I’m not the only one who can too.
One of the first changes I made was to limit my social media intake and become more mindful of who I followed on social media platforms. Social media can sometimes be positive and wholesome but can also be viewed negatively or regarded as potentially triggering. Not only should you be mindful of which influencers or celebrities you follow, but it’s necessary to also be aware of your friends’ social media posts. Absolutely, celebrating your friends’ successes can be a joyful occasion for them and you. But, if you begin to realize learning about their latest job promotion makes you feel more negative than positive, then it’s worthwhile to consider what you want your news feed to look like.
Despite being a high academic believer my whole life, I spent many years not realizing that I had successes others were envious of because I was too busy trying to become as good as them. It took time to acknowledge and understand that everyone around me had imposter syndrome to some extent and was likely envious of someone else’s achievements too. Someone else being good at something didn’t mean I had to be good at it too. I didn’t fully understand this mindset until my senior years of university when I realized all my peers succeeded in their fields but were unlikely to succeed in my field of study. We’re all good at different things, and I needed to remind myself of my strengths instead of focusing on the achievements of others.
Even now, I realize that treating myself with emotional respect and compassion is still, and always will be, an ongoing process. I know the journey to reclaiming my self-worth and learning how to stop comparing myself to others requires time, self-awareness and constant practice. Although I haven’t fully figured it out yet, I know that comparing myself to others doesn’t help create the life I want.
The first step is to realize that you’re not the only one experiencing social comparison and imposter syndrome. Remember to surround yourself with a positive support system. Seek out friends who are not afraid to celebrate each other’s successes and keep the friends who support your personal growth close. Don’t forget to try to support your friends and don’t hesitate to reinforce and remind them of their self-worth too.