My definition of a girl’s girl is someone who feels free to make mistakes, not follow the crowd and be kind and supportive to other women while doing so. Let’s dive into my experience with making girlfriends and my solution to the toxic society us girls have created for ourselves.
Regardless of what anyone says, it’s a common perception that girls are complicated. Most of us have witnessed, if not taken part in, conversations where we spoke poorly about another girl and then saw that same girl at a party a day later and acted as if we’re best friends. Making girlfriends in university is arguably more nerve-racking than trying to talk to your campus crush in public. As a girl, I feel I’ve been put on every spectrum of the double standards we have created for each other. You have to dress up to be on trend, but if it’s a trend we haven’t seen yet, then you’re “trying too hard”. You have to have a ‘roster’ of boys on your radar but if you actually get with any of them, you’re selfish or easy. You don’t have to be friends with every girl you meet, but “can you believe (the girl I know doesn’t like me) didn’t say hi to me yesterday?” These double standards are almost comical to me, but I know that almost every girl reading this has experienced this in some form.
Now that we let the elephant out of the room, I feel like it seems we have toxified the term “girl’s girl” into thinking we have to be perfect in every aspect of our lives. Being a girl’s girl doesn’t mean doing whatever your friends tell you or obliging to every stereotype just because some girls think that’s how it should be done. You are your own best girlfriend, and it’s time you start embracing every regular aspect of life that girls go through. Firstly, being a girl’s girl to me doesn’t mean hating men. Controversially, I don’t think it makes you ‘pick me’ to have guy friends or not always wanting to be with your girlfriends at a party. It’s healthy to have friends of all genders and you shouldn’t be made feel “annoying” for getting along with boys or anyone that isn’t your inner circle. Friends of all genders deserve equal time, but when you think that friend might be turning into something a little more, there is a time and place. No one wants to lose their friend to someone else just because there is a miscommunication of how much time you are spending with them. It’s all about balance!
One thing that has always bummed me out is when girls feel the need to tear each other down just to build their friends’ up or make them feel like they’re worthy. Just because your friend doesn’t get along with a girl or has an issue with someone, it doesn’t mean you need to rip them to shreds to make your friend feel better. Honestly, when my friends did that to me, or when I caught myself doing it to them to try and make someone feel better, it always made me feel worse. Do we really need other people to be hurt to make ourselves feel better, NO! We’re better than that!
Let’s start comforting our friends by leaving out the person who wronged them. The actions of that other girl speak volumes about her character. So, stop using up all your energy to tear her down when you could be using it to build somebody up instead. Your real “girl’s girl” friends know that there’s no sense in commenting on those who wronged you, even if it gives you some temporary satisfaction. I’m still guilty of getting caught up in this, but it is important you surround yourself with people who push you to preach good things about yourself and others rather than lead with pettiness.
Through navigating girl friendships, I think that the root of all issues comes down to how you feel about yourself. Some say you can ‘just tell’ when someone isn’t a girl’s girl. Is that true, or can you just tell when someone is insecure and internally struggling? There is always a bigger picture when people are acting a certain way, and it is time we start choosing to be each other’s biggest cheerleader rather than each other’s biggest critic.
Believe it or not, it all starts with you. Be the girl who isn’t afraid to make mistakes regardless of what your friends say because you want to try something new. Stand up for the girls you hear being torn down for just being themselves. Overall, stop being a ‘yes man’ to the toxic and utterly impossible environment we have created for girls to live in. We’re all just trying our best, and support and a smile is all anyone ever needs to carry on. At the end of the day, perhaps the whole ‘girl’s girl’ concept has nothing to do with gender, and it’s just about having a good sense of judgement and having strong morals and values. It’s not as serious as everyone makes it out to be. Be your best, kind and authentic self and …BOOM, you’re my kinda girl’s girl :)
Peace & Love,
Gracee