There’s a sense of comfort in associating the idea of ‘forever’ with someone, be it platonically or romantically. As a girl growing up in Canada, ‘best friend forever’ necklaces and other knick-knacky things that you could find at your local Claire’s was the marker of how important your friendship was. Or when you think you’ve met the one and everything’s all sunshine and flowers until shit hits the fan and suddenly that idea of forever that you’ve been holding onto seems more harmful than you expected. There can be a lot of guilt associated with outgrowing people, and it can often be perceived as harsh to leave those who aren’t ready or aren’t meant to follow you along on your own life journey.
As a young adult who is just starting their life, it can be a huge breath of fresh air to be inspired and find your own path. Because of this, your priorities, habits and even small characteristics can change. Change is good but can be uncomfortable for those whose lifestyle or priorities aren’t aligned with your own. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for yourself and hope that they’ll be along in your journey to finding yourself. As soon as you shrink yourself out of fear of losing people, the only person you’re doing injustice to is yourself.
Coming to terms with the fact that some people don’t have the desire to change can be a hard pill to swallow. When you feel like you’re trying so hard to adapt to their needs to sustain the friendship/relationship and they’re not meeting you halfway can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted. Being stagnant can be super comfortable, especially if nothing is inherently wrong in their life. But forcing yourself or trying to force them to fit this mould that you both are on different pages about will only result in resentment and toxicity. You can’t fundamentally change someone, so focus that energy on your own endeavours and change you can actually make.
The nature of outgrowing people varies. Sometimes it can be a really messy argument where harsh words are exchanged, or it can be one of those awkward drifts where the conversation dissolves. The great thing about going on your journey is that nothing is permanent (well, some things are I guess if we want to get nitpicky). It sounds cliché but coming to terms with letting go of people in your past is part of the process of growing into your potential. That being said, outgrowing someone right now doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be out of your life forever. If it’s meant to be, a healthy reconnection can even bring you closer than ever.
The fact of the matter is that you are not always going to be the same version of yourself that that person knew you to be. You’ll probably evolve 10 or 20 more times within your life span, and that’s okay.