It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Along with the profoundly confusing Canadian weather during the transition period of Winter to Spring, it’s nearing the end of the semester — which means that the next month is all rainbows and sunshine and joy.
If only.
The reality is this: the campus begins to resemble a poorly funded “B” movie display of a graveyard while the ‘living’ dead roam around the fog. Looking around, it’s as if the life has been sucked out of each and every student. First years no longer dress to the nines to scuttle onto campus; instead, they succumb to their inner-hobo and confine themselves to the comfort of sweats and hoodies. Dry shampoos are practically ransacked from all surrounding beauty stores, makeup is temporarily put to rest and laughter is completely eradicated — almost forbidden.
Particularly on the seventh floor of the library. Don’t go there to study — just don’t. It’s terrifying. Especially if you need oxygen in order to survive. I am convinced that the students that go there to work aren’t completely human, but part machine.
Anyways, now that our education wants to put us to the test after already having tested us to our limits for the past just-under-twenty-years, exam season also provides the opportunity to discover a student ‘alter-ego.’ Basically, finals and midterms and the like all take their toll and have a serious impact on people. So I have compiled a list of different types of “personalities” that students adopt during these dark times.
- The Energizer Bunny
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While tests and papers can dissolve a person’s will to live, there is also the problem of developing a lot of pent-up energy. Sitting down for hours at a time, writing out notes or doing research or trying to cram in a bunch of readings means that you’re not really doing anything even though you are doing everything all at the same time. But we all know that one kid who practically overdoses on caffeine and all of a sudden they’re ready to run a marathon. Please, please — find an outlet.
- The Sloth
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Unlike their hyper Energizer Bunny counterparts, these guys are perpetually exhausted. Everyone, for the most part, is running on negative hours of sleep and potato chips. But these guys were definitely not made for the pressure of having to pull multiple all-nighters just to get their work done. They’re probably also the ones who have a fairly healthy routine, with a set bedtime and proper meal portions (what a concept).
- The Lush
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Everyone has their own coping methods. Some people cry it out, some people lean on their friends for support and some people drink enough to intoxicate a whole-ass nation. Need to write notes? Wine. Need to edit a paper? Wine. Need to complete study notes? Wine.
- The One that Puts Everyone Else to Shame
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Apparently, it’s possible to survive exam season without too much suffering if you manage your time properly. That’s crazy. These people are crazy. And I am crazy jealous of them.
- The “Exams? I don’t know Her”
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Finals are hard to come to terms with. Every test, every final grade is a testament to a student’s academic abilities. That’s a HUGE burden to carry, and for some more so than others. Their way of coping is carrying on with their lives as if their own personal apocalypse wasn’t a minute away. Clubbing, working a lot, “hanging out” — if they don’t acknowledge their workload, crisis avoided right?
- The Bottomless Pit
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Eating your feelings is a real thing. Especially during this high-stress, high-anxiety period of the semester. Especially where your fate literally lies in the hands of a couple sheets of paper that determine whether you’re way off track or you have your shit semi-together. Nervous about your upcoming test? Here’s a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. Think you’re going to fail that paper you handed in five minutes before the final deadline? Don’t worry, Ben & Jerry’s will have your back.
- The Emotional Trainwreck
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Some people don’t handle confrontation well. And when exams come-a-knockin,’ they come with their guns blazing. If you can’t take a punch, please take a box of kleenex to manage your tears. Only allergies are a good enough excuse to sniffle constantly.
While there are many more different ‘characters’ you could adopt during the finals season, this is a list of some of the most common creatures you will discover while on campus for exams.