Every person in university or college knows this chart:
Our society expects more of our youth than ever before, which is a huge part of why such a large number of students are struggling with mental illness.
If you are experiencing anxiety or any other type of mental illness, or know someone who is, please seek help through your on-campus services or an off-campus helpline. Mental illness indirectly affects everyone at some time through family members, friends or colleagues. Know that you are not alone and that your mental health is important to your success and livelihood.
In order to do it all and to be it all, we sometimes feel like we need to give something up.
And we find ourselves losing touch with the things we love because of all the bullsh*t life throws at us.
Truthfully, balancing everything is never going to be a cakewalk, and time management is probably the best skill we are getting from our education.
And we won’t always get to be okay. And that’s okay.
Being busy is inherently built into our western culture and sometimes we are going to have to work hard to play hard.
But when it comes to love, feminism has spent the last several decades trying to prove that we don’t need someone to be our best and most powerful selves.
And we don’t…but if Beyoncé can have a career and a family, why should you limit yourself?
Love, sex and relationships still seem to center our universe. They are the focus of every sitcom, movie and other media, and the root of a lot of conversations between friends.
And there is no shame in wanting to share your life with someone.
It should not be one or the other: love or career, family or success, because we should have it all.
*This is still one of my all time favourite responses to that misogynistic question.
And do not let gender roles or stereotyping limit yourself.
That is what every relationship should be. Be with someone who makes you the kindest, the strongest and the smartest version of yourself, and find success with each other.
But we are not just trying to balance love and career… but also our friendships, our family and our individual hobbies. And this is where it gets complicated.
We have all heard the term “bros before hoes” (or the other synonyms) and we are constantly being told that we should not choose romance over our mates. BUT WE HAVE TO STOP DOING THAT.
Now ladies, do not get me wrong, you do not need a man (or a woman) to validate your worth, but we have to stop shaming our friends for being happy and celebrate that someone loves your friend as much as you do.
Be supportive. Be excited. There is a reason that Tinder is so popular, and it is because we all want someone. Once your friend finds someone that is as amazing as they are, you have done your job as a wingman and you should be proud.
The reality is that relationships change us. People whine about friends who disappear or change because of their S.O., but finding someone to spend your life with is basic human nature and a fundamental component of our existence.
For me, it is important to have friends who understand how busy I am and are willing to fit me in at weird times, or are able to hang out while studying, but also get that in many cases my relationship comes first. When you are with a person that you plan to spend the rest of your life with, it means you are building your life with them. And truthfully, the idea of going out and partying seems tedious when I can get laid while staying home and watching Netflix.
Having friends who understand your priorities is extremely valuable.
Even Michael Jordan naps.
I applaud the people who are able to maintain a social life and connections with everyone they want to, but I find that extremely difficult. So let’s do the math.
If I get to do everything I want to (without anything going array), here is my week:
There are 168 hours in a week.
Ideally, I spend an average 8 hours per night sleeping (includes naps and weekends) = 56
All of my courses, class time and studying is about, on average, 8 hours per day = 56
Now, I would like to go to the gym a few times a week = 6
I have a job, and that averages to roughly 15 hours per week =15
I also volunteer a minimum of 8 hours per week = 8
This leaves me with 37 free hours. I spend Sunday dinners with my parents (-3) and I go to my girlfriend’s hockey games every week (-6, more if we travel). So I have 28 free hours and this is without any alone time with my girlfriend and any social time with my friends.
It isn’t always fun, but these are the things that are important to my future and me.
Organize your life so that you do not miss anything important.
My friends understand that if they want to see me in an average week, I need to schedule them in far in advance. I carry two planners at all times, because between school, work and social, my life is hectic. Click here for a list of amazing planners.
The people who stick around when your life is crazy stressful are the ones worth having.
It is easy to be the friend who is down to drink every night and be your wingman, but the real friends will be around for the fun and boring times.
We all want to believe that friends are forever. That the people we spend our Saturday nights drinking with and our all-nighter study sessions with will always be a part of our life, but it is unlikely that the friendships we have in school will continue throughout the rest of our lives. Not that it is impossible, but once we graduate we move out of our student houses, in with our significant others, or to a new city for a new job. This means that the people we see everyday changes and sometimes it is just too damn difficult to stay in touch with everyone.
Now, this is not an excuse for being totally AWOL on your friends and expecting them to be there ONLY when you need them.
Friendship goes two ways. Even if you are busy, if someone is important to you, you have to find a way to fit them in. Even a text to see how they are doing or a FaceTime to tell them a story goes a long way. My motto is that everyone has to eat and the easiest way to catch up with someone is over dinner.
So work hard. Play hard.
Fight for what you want. Be a bi*ch.
Find love and hold on to it.
Have friends who will love you (and the one you love), no matter what.
Overall, prioritize what makes you happy and don’t settle for less than everything you want.