For as long as I can remember, Iāve felt an almost paralyzing fear of being judged by people and this has held me back from doing things that Iāve always dreamed of. Whatās worse is that it doesnāt make sense to me as to why Iām spending so much time worrying about other peopleās opinions rather than focusing on my own. I know itās normal to care about what people think, to an extent, but the amount that I care about has always felt excessive. I overanalyze everything that I do before I do it to make sure that I fit in and to minimize the judgment I can imagine feeling from other people. Honestly, Iām so over it.
Realistically, I know that people donāt actually care that much about what I do, but that doesnāt stop these thoughts from seeming like a huge deal in my head. Iām truly tired of it being such a big issue in my life because genuinely, life just isnāt that serious. I shouldnāt be wasting so much time and energy worrying about how my actions might be judged by other people, especially since the people I spend so much time worrying about arenāt even people that I am close with; theyāre acquaintances and random strangers. Thatās what makes this so frustrating for me! I donāt even know these people well enough to care about what they think, so why do I?
It seems so silly now, but the most memorable example I have is from elementary school and I remember feeling so consumed by it. I was too scared to develop my own taste in music out of fear that people wouldnāt like it or worse, that they would think I was āweird.ā So, anytime someone would ask me about music, Iād end up spitting out an answer about how I donāt really listen to music or that I listen to all kinds of music just to avoid potential criticism over things that I like. It seems crazy to look back on now because Iām always listening to music and have since developed my own music taste. I know that not everyone will have the same taste as me and thatās okay because it’s just a personal preference. But it makes me sad to remember how scared I used to be over something that I donāt even think twice about now. This is just a past example, but I know that there are many things now that I feel this way about. Regardless, I donāt want to feel this way anymore, so this is me trying to get over it.
Going forward, I want to change the narrative. As hard as it may feel, Iām not going to let these anxious thoughts stop me from doing what I want to. Iām going to start doing the things that I want to do simply because I enjoy them. Iām especially going to start doing the things that Iāve dreamed of doing for the younger me who felt like she couldnāt. I can never make everyone happy with what I do, so I should at least be making myself happy. I know that the people I care about and those who matter most to me will always support me in what I do. So, those people are going to be the opinions that I focus on rather than the potential negative opinions from people who arenāt even important to me.