For most of my life, I’ve been a healthy weight. I was on the swim team in high school, and my metabolism seemed to be on my side. However, starting in about grade 12, I suddenly realized that my jeans weren’t fitting the way they used to, and I had morphed into a person both physically and mentally that I didn’t recognize. With my increasingly mounting anxiety, I turned to food for comfort. I excused my crappy eating choices and didn’t bother to implement self-control into my dietary habits. Exercising fell to the wayside, especially when I stopped swimming altogether (the tipping point was when a male instructor pulled me aside and told me, “Look hon, you’re just too…big to keep up with this class. It isn’t for you.”). At this stage of my life, my self-esteem was in the gutter; I’d dated two man-children who thought it was “funny” to either poke fun at my weight, or subtly pull apart my self-worth.
I didn’t realize that I needed to make a change for myself until 2014. After about 2 years, I’ve lost 50 pounds and I’ve learned a few things throughout this journey. I’m certainly no expert, but there are realistic aspects about taking it on that you usually won’t hear from a Victoria’s Secret Model or an Instagram fitness guru.
1) No matter what your physical goals are, do them for you and no one else
I cannot stress how vitally important this little tip is. My attempts at losing weight and getting fit originated from my desire to please and impress other people. I thought that one of my ex-boyfriends (even though he was an *ss) would come running back to me, smitten with the “new” me. I basically placed all of my potential worthiness on the idea that no one would love me or even like me if I didn’t look a certain way. A very glaring problem in this level of thinking is that people will always come and go, the worthwhile ones won’t give a damn about your size, and at the end of the day, you should be striving toward your goals for yourself. Wanting to reach them is something that should never rest on the shoulders of the people who don’t matter. It took me too long to realize that having this toxic mindset was one of main reasons I wasn’t succeeding. Once I started doing things for myself, progress started to become a reality.
2) It’s probably going to be one of the most challenging things you set out to do (at least if you have as little willpower as I do).
I had an idea when I set out to make changes for myself that this whole weight loss thing wasn’t going to be easy. If it was, everyone would be able to do it and it wouldn’t be so talked about. Just how difficult it was though, I was completely naive to. Obviously everyone is going to be different, we all start out at various places, we all have different bodies, and our progress will rise and fall at different rates. The amount of factors that can affect gaining and losing weight are pretty much endless. After realizing that blindly jumping into this whole fitness thing by barely eating and exercising for 2+ hours at a time wasn’t the smartest way to do things, I educated myself on what would be best for me. This is a time when actually learning about what I was attempting to do for myself was pretty much essential to any success. And as overwhelming as all of the different information can be, I learned to compartmentalize my attention to what mattered most, how to eat better, and what amount of exercise was realistic for me in the long run. It will still be exhausting, it will still be frustrating, you’ll be sore and probably ready to quit more times than not, but it ends up eventually being worth it.
3) Some people will be d*cks about it, so avoid them at all costs (if you can).
I’m incredibly lucky to have a close-knit support system of family and friends that have been behind me every step of the way. This is a fact that I always make sure that I’m thankful for. However, there are going to be those special little angels that, somewhat unknowingly, make you want to throw a kale smoothie in their face. This could be at a gathering with an extended amount of people where they push you to eat more or eat things you don’t really want, make their opinions on your goals loud and clear, or just generally exist as a hindrance against your sanity. Most of the time, people like this can be avoided; however, if they’re just flat out rude, unsupportive, or generally make you feel like trash, they aren’t worth you being around them. Trust me on that one.
4) Don’t look to social media or the rich and famous so that you can endlessly compare your body to theirs. Just don’t do it.
This is another huge mistake that I have done a countless number of times. I think it’s important to have people whom you admire, respect, and want to emulate (for the right reasons). For example, I have practically revered Emma Watson since I was 10, because she is one of the most poised, articulate, and impressive business women that I can think of. Her envy-worthy beauty is just an added bonus. I don’t look to her and become sad because I don’t have her elven, waif-like figure. That would be pointless, as I naturally have a bosomy body that’s all thigh and curve. I used to look endlessly at various social media accounts, in an absolute mess, because I didn’t have a body like a popular fitness star, a model, or a celebrity I deemed “perfect”. As cliche as it sounds, I ended up comparing myself to any woman I looked at that I thought looked superior to me. It massively affected my self-esteem, my current relationship, and my overall happiness. I slowly realized how to admire someone without tearing myself down in the process, while still being able to respect all women in their various beautiful forms, without turning into a slight against myself.
5) You will likely fail, maybe more than once, and that’s okay.
As harsh as this sounds, it’s a lesson that I’m glad I learned, more than once. Failure, of course, is a subjective term. It doesn’t have to be a word that you even implement, and that’s perfectly acceptable. It’s about acknowledging the hiccups and accepting them. When I set out to lose weight, I had to try it about twenty different times before I perfected a method that was actually doable for more than a week or two. I would easily get tired, I would give up, or I would think that it wasn’t worth doing when I didn’t see a dramatic change after one sit-up. Every time that I would retry what I had attempted before, I would be going into it with a different perspective. I was a little less stupid, and a lot more determined.
6) Treat yourself when you know you deserve it.
Treating yourself doesn’t have to be with food; it can just be a little reward when you’ve accomplished something that’s worth it to you. It can be a new piece of clothing when you’ve gone down a size, getting your hair done, relaxing for a day, or something that just makes you feel good about yourself. Small things like this really helped encourage me to keep going, and feel better when I knew that I had done something worth noting. This idea is especially important when you’ve completed a goal that others might not recognize, whether you pushed past your own mental block, or you ran farther than you ever had before, whatever that accomplishment is, feel proud of it because it deserves the recognition.
7) DIETS DON’T WORK.
I REPEAT: DIETS DON’T WORK. Cleanses don’t really either, or any gimmick that claims you’ll “lose 20lbs in just 7 days!” Any “magic” pill or extract that Dr. Oz claims will melt the fat away will not. Don’t listen to the guy who looks like he’s an extra on Star Trek.
Sure, diets may help you with a short-term goal you’re trying to reach as quickly as possible, but I can tell you realistically that they aren’t a forever kind of fix. Diets and cleanses are designed to be fast, they’re a gimmick that’s aimed at people who are desperately grasping towards the easiest solution for weight loss. Unfortunately, keeping up with a diet that is too restrictive and calorie-reducing, or a cleanse that has you existing on a drink of lemon juice mixed with maple syrup, isn’t good for you. It’s probably not wise to eat an entire pizza in the middle of the night for a snack, but you shouldn’t be skipping meals or only eating celery to fill your stomach either. It’s finding a balance with the right foods to eat that will make you and your body feel good and satisfied. And no matter what it will take time, unfortunately there’s not much you can do to see instantaneous results.
8) Remember that, in the end, this has to be a long-term goal that’ll (hopefully) last a lifetime.
I used to exist in an oblivious dream world where I convinced myself that once I lost a certain amount of weight, I could coast back to my old habits and float along on a sea of pizza boxes and retired gym clothes. Oh, how young and dumb I was. Losing weight was really just part of my overall goal; it certainly wasn’t the end. In order to maintain any weight you lose, you’re not likely going to keep it off if you’re eating like crap and barely moving (unless you have a magical metabolism or super powers). So as much as I hated it, this whole process has been a lifestyle change more than anything else. I’m never going to be perfect, but I’ve become far more aware of my daily habits and what I know is good for me in the long run.
9) Food doesn’t have to be the enemy.
For the longest time, I looked at all food like it was something both evil and absolutely wonderful. I hated the fact that the food I enjoyed the most was full of all the junk you know is “bad,” and I would turn to it more than anything else. I was entirely envious of girls who seemed to effortlessly sip green smoothies without gagging, and be satisfied with a cold-pressed juice as a snack. It baffled me, because I love food and I like to eat. And I have learned to turn that love into something positive, rather than destructive. Instead of completely restricting myself from treats that I once enjoyed in excess, I now eat them every once in awhile when I’m actually craving them. Cheat meals do work as a good reward system, and healthy food doesn’t have to taste like bland styrofoam when you learn how to cook and use spices (spices are the key my friends; use them wisely and you will be forever satisfied with what’s on your plate).
10) You likely won’t get the body you envision right away, when you reach your goal, or even at all, and that’s okay.
This was a tough concept that I struggled to grasp. Weight loss is usually seen going in one direction: the pounds go away, and suddenly you look like the epitome of health. Now I’m not saying this can’t happen at all, but I got it into my head that I would suddenly have a completely flat stomach and no thigh jiggle once I lost the amount of weight I planned to lose in my head. I didn’t realize that my stretch marks and cellulite wouldn’t completely disappear, and not every piece of skin would suddenly shrink up and become toned. Even after losing 50 pounds, there are still things I see on myself that I want to improve and change, but I’ve accepted the little marks and imperfections that might be sticking with me for the rest of my life. I’ve learned, grudgingly, to try and embrace these things and slowly work on evolving the parts of my body that I can change. Even if those washboard abs never make an appearance, I can still do my best to shape my body into the unique powerhouse I know it has the potential to be.
11) You gotta embrace and learn to love your body at every stage it’s in.
Tying into the point I made above, your end result should not be the only time that you’re capable of loving your body. Your body is not only worthy of love and adoration if your tummy is perfectly lean, your arms have no wiggle, or your bum looks like a round piece of fruit. Health is one thing, but the soliciting that our society and media do with how women look is almost unbelievable. We are more than our sizes, and our value should not be placed behind the fear of being something that everyone isn’t going to universally accept. As I said before, if you do want to lose weight and get fit, do it for yourself and your body. Do it to be healthier and happier. Do it because you want to, and be proud of your body when it hits every stage leading up to the end, because it will always be just as valid and beautiful, no matter what place it’s in.
As the ever poignant J.K. Rowling said, “‘Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’, or ‘cruel’?”
If you have embarked on a fitness journey or are thinking of doing so, you have my complete and utter respect. It’s not an easy thing to do, and I’m impressed with you already.