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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

What I Learned From My Long Distance Relationship

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Western chapter.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but it’s not always that simple. When I met my boyfriend, Patrick, it was a heart-eyes, butterfly-inducing, fairytale kind of love. The only problem was I spent the summer we were together preparing to move away for my first year in university. For anyone who feels the fear of being apart from their significant other the way I did, I want to share eight things I learned from my first year in a long distance relationship.

     Patrick and I during his first visit to London (Courtesy of Author)

1. It’s not as hard as you think

Sure, we reassured each other that nothing would really change when I moved away, but I think deep down we both knew that was unlikely. Initially, the distance felt overwhelming and we both constantly feared we were drifting apart. After a couple weeks, however, we both became used to it. Now, we just spend most of our time counting down the days until we’re together again but not feeling like our relationship is suffering because we aren’t.

2. Time is the most important gift you can give each other

Life is busy, especially in university. It’s important to dedicate time to your significant other so that you don’t drift apart. Phone calls, Skyping, Facetiming, or even writing each other letters are a few ways to spend time maintaining the closeness of your relationship. Just remember, if you both want the relationship to work, you’ll both make the effort!

3. Communication is key

Since you aren’t around each other and aren’t able to always tell when the other person may be unhappy with the relationship, being open and forward about what you want and need is very important. I’ve learned to speak up if something feels wrong, and “I feel like we’re growing apart,” is a phrase I’m no longer afraid to use. If you both have good communication, you can trust your significant other will tell you when there’s something they would like you to work on as well.  

4. It takes a little more effort

It’s no secret that long distance relationships can take a little more work than those who see each other every day. It’s a lot easier for the relationship to fall apart or be too influenced by the distance. Personally, I feel my long distance relationship needs to involve more communication, openness and time than any of my other relationships that are closer. I also learned the right one will make the effort for me, and as if I wasn’t already sure Patrick was the one, this just proved it!

5. Trust is important

Trust is important in all relationships, but I’ve found it to be CRUCIAL in those with a little more distance. Since you can’t always be with your significant other, you have to trust that they’re staying loyal and devoted to you even during your months apart. It’s hard sometimes (especially when some girls can get a little too touchy) but at the end of the day, it’ll strengthen your relationship and help keep it healthy.

6. Perseverance is easier together

There are definitely going to be tough times. You may find yourself wanting to give up when the distance feels overwhelming. But when you have your significant other there to support you and help you power through those dark days, it makes it a lot easier. Chances are, you’ll both feel this at some point, and when you do, it makes a difference when you have someone to lean on and remind you why you’re even doing this in the first place.

7. You can be with someone and still be self-reliant

As someone who has been overly dependant on relationships in the past, I can honestly tell you that it’s such a nice change to be in one where I feel I can do my own thing and live my own life without needing my boyfriend by my side. I think Patrick and I have both learned a lot about independence and being in a relationship without losing sight of who we are individually. 

8. Time together is more cherished

Although we only get to spend a few days at a time together, we’ve learned to make the most out of it. We usually like to go out on new adventures and make the most of our limited hours instead of sitting on our phones and being disconnected. Personally, I feel being in a long distance relationship has helped us both see how important time together truly is, something close-proximity couples may not quite understand.

All in all, I have learned long distance is definitely worth it, and the right person won’t make the distance feel like a major roadblock at all! If you’re worried about your long distance relationship going wrong, I would advise you to give it a try anyway because you never know what could come of it.

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Liv is a graduate student at Humber School for Writers. She enjoys writing poetry, editorials, and silly little stories.