The Patriarchy: Effective for Getting a Supreme Court Seat AND Humour!

Being a feminist can be exhausting work—no one ever tipped society on its head overnight, but here we are trying. In light of the recent negativity surrounding feminist issues and the deep guttural revolt each time we hear the word “Kavanaugh”... Yes, let it out...

… I wanted to give a small reprieve from the grief. And what’s better humour source than men?

HOLD ON! Slooowly place your pitchforks on the ground and back away. I don’t hate men, nor am I talking about ALL men. This article is discussing sexist men, albeit a prevalent breed. If you aren’t a misogynist, feel free to count yourself out of this category. If you “aren’t a misogynist” but you feel attacked by my words below, maybe it’s time for some critical self-reflection.

Now, allow me to remind you of the various brands of misogyny feminists have fought thus far—all of which are laughable compared to the state of the U.S. today. Enjoy!


1. The “I can’t respect you because of your naked body—but check out mine while you’re here!”

This logic states that a bare body cannot co-exist with respect. If that were the case, Chad (a pseudonym, but it feels right) must have a serious case of self loathing. Clearly that’s not true, as the sheer quantity of ab pics suggests a mild case of narcissism. By “bitches”, I’m assuming he means women, the real target of his hate. Let’s face it: the Chads of the world hate women, and will look for any sh*tty excuse to say so.

Sidebar: this Twitter account is dedicated to calling out misogyny, especially in the form of harassment. It started the hashtag #shirtlessshamers2016 which called out shirtless men slut-shaming women. A+!

2. The “No one will sleep with me so I’m going to blame women for it”  

nice guy being a hypocrite

Help! It hurts itself in its confusion!

3. The “I’m gonna disown my daughter if she does as she pleases with her body because I am terrified of women’s sexuality”

Because raising a badass, independent daughter in charge of her sexuality is worse than having a raging misogynist in the family. Take your pick, I guess…

4. The “She’s done great things but she married a man so we can erase her identity now!”

This woman was literally an Olympic Gold medallist. But yeah, let’s tie her identity to the man she married.


5. The “I compulsively sexualize women, including my own daughter, but I shame women who claim their own sexuality”

This one comes at you from the President of the United States himself. He once asked: “Is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?” This was redacted from the interview for obvious reasons. How is this a real question… from a world leader? If you don’t laugh, or at the very least roll your eyes, you might cry, so chuckle away.


6. The “If you show your body you can’t have any brains”

It’s basic math, right? These two definitely cancel out—just ask Lyndsey Scott, a Victoria Secret model who can code Python, C++, Java, MIPS, and Objective-C.


7. The “Women can’t like sports. Not possible.”

My limited feminine brain is no match for the rigorous intensity of athletics. Ladies—you might think you enjoy sports, as I once did, but you probably don’t know that every action a woman makes is carefully calculated to capture the male gaze. It’s okay! I didn’t know either until a man told me so.


8. The “Pick me! I’m not like other girls!”

This example actually comes from a woman, because yes, women can also be misogynistic. That’s how ingrained this trash is in our society. Girls—you are NOT your boyfriend’s mother and your purpose in life is not to cater to his every whim. Don’t act like it.

9. The “But What About ME?”

How selfish do you have to be for your immediate reaction to hearing about “International Women’s Day” is asking if there’s an equivalent for men? Apparently this level of self-absorption is common to the male population, as “International Men’s Day” has its highest Google search rate ON INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY.

For the record, there is an International Men’s Day—but nobody cared about it because men never felt like they needed their own day until women claimed theirs. Is it just me, or do men seem like whiny little siblings who only care about something because you want it?

Like I said before, these examples and my scathing remarks are not indicative of or directed at all men (we LOVE a feminist man) but these trends are prevalent enough to be generalizable. If you’re sad the article’s over, don’t stress! The world never ceases to offer more examples of misogyny—recently more than ever. Trust me, I’m just as angry as you are, but I can afford a little laughter at the sheer idiocy of it all. I hope you can too.


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