Learning How to Be Okay With Not Having a Squad

My whole life, I’ve wanted a girl squad. Like T-Swift and her besties, the group of girls that you know you can count on no matter what. The ones who blow up your phone in a group chat, named “Galz Squad,” who help you write all your text messages and talk you through your breakdowns over dumb boys. I thought, for sure, when I go to college, I’ll find that group, and we’ll do everything together, and when we all get married, we’ll be each other’s bridesmaids.

Obviously, I never found that “Squad,” or I probably wouldn’t be writing this article. After high school, and as I became more independent, I realized that I would much rather have one or two best friends, people that I could count on, rather than a huge group of people that I didn’t talk to. Quality over quantity, right? So I started to make friends, and to make sure that those friendships were good and positive, and that they were beneficial to both parties. (Honestly, any relationship that isn’t mutually beneficial isn’t worth it. That’s literally what a parasite is: a relationship that isn’t mutually beneficial.).

I’m the type of person who cares too much and just wants to make everyone happy. And you just can’t do that. It’s impossible, and it’s so much pressure to put on yourself. And if you have a huge group of friends, then there is always going to be someone who is unhappy, no matter how hard you try to make sure everyone is satisfied. But if you have one or two really close friends, you probably want the same things as them, and have the same goals. So everyone can be happy when you’re making plans or decisions. And that is so much less pressure, and so much easier, and no one gets disappointed.

I am so grateful for the friends that I’ve made in university. My friends are all in different friend groups and different circles. And sometimes, honestly, I like that my friend groups have different spheres. There are certain friend groups for different things, and it can be weird when your worlds collide. You do certain things with certain friends, and that’s okay. More than okay, that’s awesome. There are the friends you call when you want someone to kick your ass at the gym, and there are the friends you call when you want to drink a bottle of wine and complain. Asking your friends to fulfill every need just isn’t fair.

Thank you to all my friends. Thank you for the role you play in my life. I hope I play the role in your life that you need me to play. Also, we can rename our text conversation that’s just between the two of us “squad goalz” because let’s be honest—a squad is what you make it (so let’s make it rock).