I haven’t ever had sex, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about what my first time is going to be like. ln fact, it’s probably one of the things I think and talk about the most.
I have many expectations for what my first time is going to be like. Most of these are probably never going to come true, but that doesn’t mean a girl can’t dream.
First, I just want to say that I want mind-blowing sex. I want my first time to be worth it, real and just so in the moment. I want it to be an experience that I’ll never forget with someone that I’ll never forget.
I don’t want to just give my virginity to some random boy who isn’t as special as I am. I know my worth and I want someone who knows it, too. More importantly, I want someone who knows their worth and is not choosing me because they want just anyone to fuck.
Sometimes, it’s tempting to get it over with because I want to know who I am as a sexual person and explore that side of me, but I also realize there is a time for everything. I used to think I had to wait until marriage, but I’m not really following that rule anymore. I have faith that there will be the right time and person to share this meaningful experience with. Thus, there is no need to set a specific date or deadline.
I always imagine my first time being like some shit in the movies. I want the eye rolls, the loud moans, the whispering. I want someone who knows when to go fast and when to go slow with his kisses and touches. I want intense eye contact. Most importantly, I want someone who is interested in exploring my body.
I feel like there is a difference between sex and fucking. Fucking seems to have a negative connotation in my mind; it’s raw and unemotional. I’m not against it, but it’s just not my style. I’ve had mindless hookups before, but I would only stop at making out. For me, anything more than that is being a lot more vulnerable; I would only show that side of me to someone I truly care about.
For me, sex seems to include more intimacy and attachment. It’s a deep connection between two souls. It’s about fully immersing ourselves together as one, forming a psychological and physical bond in that singular moment.
Since coming to university, I haven’t even come close to wanting to have sex with someone. I’m really surprised about that. I think it’s because I have high expectations when it comes to these things, but I also think it’s because I haven’t trusted anyone enough to share that part of me yet.
I take pride in this fact because I feel like I haven’t found anyone worthy enough to be the first person I have sex with. It’s a big deal for me like it is when someone has their first kiss, but obviously to a much larger magnitude.
And since I emphasize the emotional part of sex a lot, I think I just haven’t found myself that emotionally connected to anyone here yet. I’ve had a few crushes here and there, but it just never developed into anything I would consider pursuing seriously, partly because I’m busy and partly because I’m scared.
For me, I view the context of sex in a very similar way of a relationship because I don’t have much experience with sex. I don’t necessarily believe that you have to be in a relationship to have meaningful sex, but I would prefer my first time to be in one.
There is no rush to have sex, but it’s fun to think about what my first time will be like. It’s exciting to know that I have no idea when it will happen and it’s reassuring that I know it will happen.
I think there are a lot of university girls out there that may have similar views on sex, and I just want to say that there’s no need to stress. We just gotta keep grinding and being our best selves. You can keep dreaming about your first time, but keep those expectations high. Don’t let just anyone see you as your most physically and emotionally vulnerable self.
Related Articles:
- Debunked: Sex on the First Date
- How Her Campus Western Changed My Perspective on Sex
- My First Vibrator
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