Extrovert? Introvert? Both? Neither?

Confused where you fit perfectly—with extroverts (someone who re-energizes themselves in the company of other people) or introverts (someone who re-energizes themselves in the company of self)? Welcome to the club of an utterly confused adult who is still trying to figure it out. I think I might be the only member of that club but I am hoping to make some friends here by the end of this article.

I have encountered two kinds of people in my life so far:

  • Those who think in black and white.

Every decision for them is a yes, no or, sometimes, all of the above.

  • Those who think in 50 shades of grey.

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No, not the movie or the book. I am talking more like a colour palette of greys.

I think I belong to the latter category. To me, there are always so many alternatives that I have difficulty choosing one among them. I love being like that and I love having options to choose from—even though I almost always end up choosing the same thing.

So, here’s the big thing: when someone asks me if I am an introvert or an extrovert I never have a good answer. My actions indicate that I am an extrovert. For instance, I talk rather loudly and laugh even louder than that. I have no problem talking to strangers or ordering food at a restaurant. But then five minutes later, I frantically search for a quiet corner to listen to my music and be on my own. I go to the mall alone and even watch movies by myself because I don’t feel like interacting with people. I am a riot at the parties I attend along with my family, but I am always a bit subdued when I’m partying with my friends. Not to mention how absolutely bored I get at nightclubs almost as soon as I enter them.

Now, you may think that all of those situations point towards me being an extrovert (at least this buzzfeed quiz seemed to think so), but I feel more like an ambivert (someone who gets the best of both worlds— extroverts and introverts).

The definitions of an introvert and an extrovert, as given by Urban Dictionary, are far more accommodating than some of the traditional meanings that we have learned growing up. They clear out some of the preconceived notions associated with being an extrovert or an introvert. They, to some extent, explain my predicament when telling people I am confused about that aspect of my personality.

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Being an ambivert, or just being undecided about your own personality, is still a relatively new concept and it often affects people in an adverse way. And the one thing that I have learned from my experiences is that being confused about something is not a weakness, it is a learning phase and you are entitled to make mistakes.

If you feel like you don’t fit anywhere right now it’s because you may not have found your people yet. But someday, hopefully soon, you will find them and you will fit right in with them. So, go out there or stay in but don’t think too hard because the answer will come to you soon enough. Try to be happy in the moment. You will know who you are when you need it the most.

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