The Best Position: The Third Wheel

The third-wheel. We have all heard complaints (or complained about) this position. But I am here to disagree. Being the third wheel is probably the best thing ever. You get all the benefits of the relationship (okay, well some unless they’re really generous hahaha), but you can remain happily emotionally unattached. If you are a really sneaky third-wheel you can manipulate the situation so you score all the benefits your friend gets (dinner dates, movie cuddles, rides) without having to put out! Plus, they never really mind if you tag along. You also feel like you are in a happy relationship without actually being in a relationship.

Not only are you content in a platonic relationship hanging out with some stellar individuals, but you never have to deal with conflict or having to shave your legs. Your friends also benefit because you add entertainment, company, and a fresh new dynamic to their growing love. Whether that is providing exotic dances to set the mood, bursting into their room to read them a bedtime story, or commenting on their ever growing love (after a week of dating), you are always helping!

Here are some neat tips on how to be a great third-wheel:

1. Provide snacks. If you do this you can literally get away with anything.

2. If they are holding hands or have their arms around each other, get in on that—make the magic happen.

3. Start planning their destination wedding and inform them of the location. This is best done as early on as possible.

4. If they don’t invite you on a date, find out the location and show up. They won’t mind.

6. This went too far. Make new friends.