So, it’s officially cuffing season.
It’s a hard life out there, and it gets even harder when everyone becomes more desperate over time (but not you, you’re doing great, sweetie). It’s a time where people couple up for the sake of coupling up, and it can kind of feel like you’re stuck in Twilight when you see all these people showing PDA everywhere—you know, the movie where brothers and sisters casually make out on campus? Yeah, okay.
If you’re like me and have a hard time being alone due to back to back long-term relationships, have yet to find someone good enough to cuff, or have been cursed by an array of mediocre Western boys (you know EXACTLY the kind of guy I’m talking about) who don’t seem to understand the meaning of “no, your dick pic did not instantaneously make you more attractive,” I bet you feel a little sick to your stomach during this time.
But have no fear! Instead of dealing with why my relationships always seem to fail, I’ve compiled a list of why I don’t need a companion, and you don’t either. Here’s 10 reasons to remind you why being single is the best.
1. You are perpetually safe from awkward human interactions. Because let’s face it, every human interaction is a bad thing.
2. You never have to pick up the bill. Could you imagine that people actually expect you to pay once in a while?
3. You won’t get interrupted when watching The Notebook. Then it feels like Ryan Gosling is actually speaking to you.
4. Meals for two become meals for one. Leftovers or not, it’s all yours.
5. No sweaty cuddling. Who really needs someone to hold you at night when you can have the bed to yourself?
6. No good morning texts. Feel free to keep scrolling through Twitter or Facebook without feeling guilty that you haven’t responded to yet another “good morning, beautiful.” There’s only so many ways to reply to this, really.
7. No cash? No problem! Too embarrassed to ask them to cover yet another bill? No problem! Do you just want to be a hermit at home, stewing in your own sweat while binge-watching Netflix shows? No problem! There’s no one there to remind you to meet expectations, anyway.
8. You’re safe from the act of ghosting. The fear of someone immediately losing interest in you and just disappearing from your life resides in everyone. However, being alone warrants nobody to ghost you if there’s nobody texting you!
9. Love songs don’t mean anything! There’s nobody to tie heartfelt love songs to because you don’t have anyone you’re Crazy in Love with anyway.
10. No need to force yourself to become a caring person. Empathy just isn’t your thing? Being alone grants you the opportunity to embrace your inner narcissist. No need to hear about someone else’s day or force yourself to care when they come at you upset about something. Everything can finally be all about you without stressing over the fact that you may have a budding personality disorder.
But that’s for another day.
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- Be Alone, I Dare You
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- Doing Online Dating Differently
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