We seem to live in a generation too self-aware to be happy. Coolness is wealth and sincerity is weakness. Have we become so concerned with being perceived as cringe that we no longer allow ourselves to be free? Whatever happened to being a little embarrassing? You tripped and fell? Accidentally spit while talking to your crush? Said “you too” to your waiter? So what? Did the world stop turning? Or did you simply trip, as human beings occasionally do?
Embarrassment is temporary, but the fear of embarrassment can influence how we behave. You want to tell someone you like them, but you worry that you’ll seem desperate. You want to dance at a party, but worry everyone is watching. Eventually, you might decide it’s safer not to do either of those things. You haven’t actually even embarrassed yourself. You’ve just anticipated the possibility of embarrassment and changed your behavior to avoid it. Sometimes we are our first rejection. Yes, you have protected yourself from judgment, but you’ve also denied yourself an experience.
Our generation has an obsession with perception whether that is over social media or in person. Psychologists have described the feeling of being constantly judged and evaluated as the “imaginary audience.” Even when nobody is paying particular attention to us, we can behave as though we’re performing for a room full of critics. This belief can result in an extreme case of self-consciousness, making even the most normal interactions very stressful causing self censorship.
We play this out in everyday life. We pretend not to care about something because caring too much seems uncool. We make jokes out of sincere statements to protect ourselves. We live in a culture that correlates care with vulnerability. Forms of self-protection can cloud our personalities like downplaying our excitement. Have we made being liked more important than being known? We find ourselves trying so hard to control the uncontrollable, how others perceive us.
As a server, there’s numerous occasions where I say something silly or embarrassing that I wish I could take back. I may make an inappropriate joke, mess up an order, or stutter over my words. However, as much as I overthink during my shift I try to leave it at work. There’s no use in overthinking a harmless human accident. Awkward interactions are a part of life. Other people are probably more preoccupied with their own lives than to think about the mistake you made. Even if your customers do remember it, their memory of my awkwardness doesn’t have to become my understanding of myself.
This generation isn’t entirely scared to make mistakes but afraid that our mistakes will reveal something fundamentally uncool about who we are. That fear is exhausting and will make you lose your sparkle. Soon enough you’ve become a spectator in your own life.
The good thing is you can trip and still keep walking. There is freedom in not caring so much. Freedom isn’t guaranteed by nobody judging. It’s the ability to keep being yourself even when judgment is possible. You can love something whole heartedly, laugh too loudly, dance badly. You can be yourself. Spend more time participating in your own life rather than thinking of how you’re perceived. A life entirely protected from embarrassment might also be a life protected from spontaneity, vulnerability, and growth. And what a terribly dull life that would be.