I’ve Become a Night Owl And It’s Ruining My Life

Six months ago, midnight was a stranger to me. I didn’t know her, she didn’t know me, and we liked it that way. I was lucky if I reached 10:30, and took pride in feeling no such pressure to burn the midnight oil like the majority of 21-year-olds. I’d curl into the comfort of a 9 p.m. curfew and wake up feeling like a newborn baby unfurling from my ten-hour sleep. 

During my walk to class, my steps were laced with an extra spring. I’d revel in my early bird demeanor and annoyingly chipper attitude. I couldn’t help but compare myself to my classmates who would stagger into class with a minute to spare, searching for their seats like zombies looking for half their brains. 

I’d pathetically try to sympathize with the girl next to me as she’d confess that she was up all night finishing an assignment. “Ugh, me too, girl,” is all I’d be able to muster up. But it was a lie. Of course it was. I’d had that assignment done for weeks. Truth was, my laptop and I parted ways after 6 p.m. It was a strict rule I had, and a good one at that. So no, I really didn’t know what it was like to stay up well into the night to study until my eyes turned into yolks, running with exhaustion and pleading for mercy. 

But I do know now, don’t I? I can’t remember how or pinpoint the exact moment that it happened. Before I could stop myself, it was too late. I’d been infected by the p.m. parasite, and it festered, filling every inch of my body with a nocturnal itch. With each scratch, the addiction grew stronger. I now find myself making empty promises that I’d do better the next night; that I’d default to my native habits. I always come up short, though. 

Now, I drag myself half-asleep to class and use my puffy eyes to scope out the nearest seat. Lethargic and ashamed, I mumble to the girl next to me about the paper I was chipping away at till dawn. She offers an apathetic grunt in response, letting me know that we are on the same page. 

I’ve morphed into a person I do not recognize. I’ve fallen into a cycle that feels like it cannot be broken, as if I’ve fallen into a toxic relationship where one of us swears we’ll change. Midnight provides thrill, along with serenity. She wraps her deceptive arms around me, letting me know that she’ll never change; that I must be the one to change. I pray for the day when she and I are strangers again. 

• college
• health
• lifestyle