The question all of us want to know. Is it ever casual? Can you look at someone and show them the skeletons of yourself and leave it at that? Does romanticism still exist for the girls who still believe in passionate and dramatic love that we simply can’t sweep under the rug? Well, that’s up to you and your willpower. In a world of games and “casual” relationships, there is still room for people who love wholeheartedly. Fiercely. So… I’m explaining this in hopes of helping the girl who thinks there’s no point in trying to wear her heart on her sleeve. In life, there is always a loophole.
The best way to keep your views on love intact is to not burn bridges with the idea of love. In more simple terms, try to stay away from people who make love seem painful and learn what healthy relationships are. During the early years of my undergrad, I was consumed with a relationship that consisted of me pouring into a broken glass. I stayed in such a dark environment for so long, hoping that because of everything I had been through in my relationship, that would be a testament to how powerful it was. I did not know at the time that no matter how hard you try, you cannot teach someone to love you, and you cannot maintain a relationship with just one person’s love. It will never be enough.
For a while, that distorted my view of love and relationships and made it difficult for me to trust or even want to take part in building a relationship again. Those two years of my life ultimately changed the rest of it. But now that I’ve grown and healed my heart, I know that there is still love for me. I know that for the right person I can wear my heart on my sleeve and not have to look over my shoulder. Creating a healthy relationship with the idea of love is the first step in understanding the levels and power of intimacy. It makes it so much easier to be yourself when you trust the thing you’re putting your all into.
You have to understand that things are a lot different in the world we live in. I always talk to my elders and listen to them explain stories about their old flings, and I think we all yearn for love like the old times. But at some point, we have to adjust. I’m not telling you to hop on Tinder and sign up for a meaningless one-night stand (but, of course, that’s your right as a grown woman, and trust me, I’m not judging), but this is what I will say. Times are changing. If you test the waters and acclimate to the world of modern dating, you will feel a little better. I promise the right guy will do all of the old-timey things you want the first time you ask, don’t feel discouraged. There are still people like you and me who are searching for something real.
As far as talking about whether it can ever really be casual…I think that’s up for interpretation. My personal opinion is that humans were never designed to have casual intimacy. And I think that things affect us a lot more than we know. Every interaction means something to someone. I always see posts of people saying things like, “Was it casual when you named your stuffed animal after me?” That just shows that all interactions mean something to someone. Nothing is ever casual because nothing can mean everything. We as human beings are intense and all programmed differently to have tons of feelings. Nonchalance was never in the mix. I believe casual interactions can convince the mind to think you are okay with being treated a certain way because it’s “not that serious,” but if you think about it, it is that serious. Anything to do with your heart is a very crucial subject. Treat it that way.
So in a world full of things that don’t make sense, make it so that the love you give yourself and the love you’re searching for is the one constant. Don’t be subjected to settling or pretending you’re okay with something “casual” because that’s what society wants you to be. Love loudly and dramatically and get embarrassed and mess up a million times because that’s the human thing to do. We are blood and flesh and beings who experience tremendous pain. But it is what keeps us human. I am okay with being a person who loves love because it’s authentic and is what makes me me, even when I know that it might hurt. Romance will never go out of style because when you touch the right person for the first time, an entire new world waits for you. And that’s the best thing about being a romantic. We can fall in love again and again until we one day get it right. And then it was all worth it.