Like most kids, the music that I mainly consume in present day was greatly affected by the songs that my parents played throughout my childhood. Due to their juxtaposing music tastes, I familiarized myself with a plethora of genres, humming along to sporadic playlists my parents created that would come on as I walked through the house. I went through phases where all I listened to was show tunes (from mom), or heavy metal (from dad), and this variety of music has kept me content throughout my life so far. However, one genre has always remained prevalent for me: 90’s Alternative Rock.
While alternative music of all types have always been my favorite genre, there’s something about that time period that produced what I hear as the best quality music with the most variety and distinction. I’ve found safety in rock and roll and the community that surrounded it, attending concerts and home shows that have built connections that have lasted longer than most. However, I never really brought this up with my mother. I never had much shared interests with her, and we only really talked when it was absolutely necessary. However, 2025 has offered me a lot of opportunities to connect with her more, starting with one experience at the very end of this year’s winter break.
“I saw them live in concert when I was 18” sparked it, singlehandedly. Oasis was playing on the radio on the drive to my brother’s 11th birthday party. “They opened for another band,” my mom finished her sentence, hardly glancing over at me in order to keep focused on the road. I sat, mouth slightly agape, processing both the idea of my mother being my age and Oasis being underground enough to be an opener for another band. I immediately presented her with a slew of questions, from questions about specific songs to querying what her favorite genres were at the time. After all, music has always been the biggest part of my life. This side of the woman I’ve known my whole life felt brand new and more comforting than any aspect I’d ever experienced. Through music, I was able to see more than I’ve ever seen from her, and it changed my perspective entirely.
I’ve never been the closest with her, but being able to align our experiences based on our shared music taste offered me a lot of insight into her life. I remind myself of her on the daily; we went to the same high school, we have the same major in college, the same overwhelming empathy, and the same interests. When I listen to songs that she did, such as shuffling Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette for the 4th time in 24 hours, it makes everything feel attainable to get through. Here I am, listening to the same music that she did at my age, and she survived it all. When I listen to music that tells me that it’s going to be alright, I finally believe them, just like my mother did. My favorite right now is “You Learn” by Alanis Morissette, and one quote from this song sticks out regarding this situation.
– Alanis Morissette, “You Learn”
You grieve, you learn
You choke, you learn
You laugh, you learn
You live, you learn
On the flip side, I also believes that this helps her understand me better. She listens to these songs again after 20 years, and she can see herself as a teenager again. She understands me, even if it’s just for a brief moment of time. I asked her to make me a playlist, and through this I was able to discover countless artists and songs that I adore and will cherish deeply forever. Music was able to help my relationship with my mother tenfold and I couldn’t be more grateful. While I used to fear awkward silence, I can ensure that me and my mother will be scream singing the lyrics to The Goo Goo Dolls and Garbage on the drive home for breaks, then laughing about how bad we sound.