Warning! Spoilers Ahead!
Tell Me Lies, written and directed by Meghan Oppenheimer, follows Lucy as she starts her freshman year at Baird College. She meets Stephen DeMarco, who slowly but surely turns her life upside down, cheating, lying, and exposing. Stephen is a junior in college when they meet, majoring in political science with hopes of becoming a wealthy corporate lawyer. The show covers three seasons, moving back and forth from their years in college to Bri and Evans’ wedding, showing how the manipulation has carried over for years. No one is excusing Stephen’s behavior, yet there is so much more that makes him the compelling and complex character that he is aside from his harmful actions and dysfunctional relationships. No one can look away no matter how hard they cringe, but the question is why?
A walking red flag.
If red flags were a person, Stephen DeMarco would be the walking definition of one. From emotional games to straight-up manipulation, Stephen has a clear talent of charm, intelligence, and power. He easily deflects, dismisses, and twists words around to keep his hands clean. His relationships are built on maintaining control, not about building trust. This leaves the people he interacts with questioning their own sanity and ultimately, wanting to come back.Â
We meet Stephen a few minutes into the first episode. The first time we see him, he is sitting outside on the lawn with Evan and Tim. Lucy is in a group with Macy, Bri, Pippa, and Wrigley, who is also a junior and is great friends with Stephen. The episode moves on, leading us to Lucy attending her first college party, where she officially meets Stephen. One of the first things he says to her is, “Besides, I just think uptight people are people who aren’t getting f*ck*d well.” When you are making a first impression, that is much too bold of a statement to say. Words like that assert dominance and power in the conversation, catching Lucy off guard. That should have been the first red flag.
One of the most well-known scenes in season one that shows Stephens’ true character is when he is seen walking down the stairs to Mr. Brightside by The Killers with Diana at a Halloween party, right after he was just with Lucy. He left her in a coconut bra!Â
In season two, Lucy meets Leo, which is grounds for issues with Stephen. Stephen becomes increasingly jealous, provoking Leo at parties and starting fights, using Leo’s ex to push Lucy and Leo away from each other, and even exposing his and Lucy’s hookup to Leo to fully separate them so he can swoop back in and control her. He is with Diana while all of this is happening, but Stephen doesn’t like the idea of Lucy moving on and getting over him. He wants to feel wanted and needed by her; it feeds his ego and makes him feel in control.
Most notably in season three, it is found out that Stephen sent personal photos of Diana to her father. He feels threatened that Diana is increasingly becoming independent from him, and he wants to punish her by attacking her in her most vulnerable position with a relationship that he knows means so much to Diana. By exposing her private life to people she has to “adhere” to, Stephen takes back her independence and control, further showing just how horrible of a person he is.Â
Overall, Stephen’s behavior goes far beyond romantic jealousy. His decision to conceal his involvement in Macy’s death while allowing Drew to suffer the consequences reveals just how far he is willing to go to protect himself. He doesn’t simply make bad decisions, yet he makes calculated choices that leave other people dealing with the fallout. That’s what makes him such a compelling character to analyze. Stephen’s most disturbing quality isn’t just his manipulation—it’s his willingness to turn someone’s trust against them when they no longer give him what he wants.Â
A method to the madness.
One of the main questions that viewers find themselves asking throughout the show is, “Why is Stephen like this?” Thankfully this question was answered through the episodes and scenes where we see Stephen interacting with his mother and family.Â
Stephen is a lot like his mother, yet she actually has control over him, not the other way around. When Stephen calls out his mom for her behavior and lack of care, she quickly finds a way to bring the situation back to her. She gets “hurt” mid conversation, prompting Stephen to forget about what was just said and to care for her. Stephen’s mother wants her kids to want her; it gives her a sense of control and a purpose. She believes that if her kids leave, grow up, and even simply start new lives of their own (as all people should do), it’s a slam against her, a rejection.Â
This dynamic reveals a huge contradiction pertaining to Stephen’s character. No matter how much control he tries to maintain in his own relationships, he is still influenced by someone who uses similar tactics against him. He recognizes his mother’s manipulation, trying to fight back, yet he struggles to escape the emotional hold she has over him. Through this dysfunctional relationship in his own home, he has learned that love and control go hand in hand. When someone makes him feel wanted, he gains a sense of security, but when that same person threatens to leave, he sees it as a loss of power. That’s exactly how his mom is. Instead of addressing those feelings in a healthy way, he often attempts to regain control of the situation, even if it means hurting the person he claims to “care” about. Like his mother, Stephen seems to need reassurance that he is wanted, but he also wants to dictate the terms of that attention. He can pull someone close when he wants their affection and push them away when intimacy makes him uncomfortable. Then, when that person begins to move on, he suddenly wants to reestablish his place in their life. His relationship with Lucy demonstrates this pattern repeatedly. Even when he has other romantic options, he struggles to accept the possibility that Lucy might no longer want him. Her independence threatens him.
Truly, understanding where Stephen may have learned these behaviors does not mean that his mother is entirely responsible for the person he becomes. Yes, his upbringing offers context for his actions, but it does not erase his responsibility for them. Stephen is intelligent enough to recognize manipulation when he experiences it, yet he repeatedly uses similar tactics against others. You don’t have any excuses anymore when you are an adult. This is what makes his character so frustrating. Stephen understands how damaging these behaviors can be, but that awareness has never stopped him from repeating them.
Why we love to hate him.
To put it simply, Stephen DeMarco sucks. He is the epitome of all evil in this world, and his choices and actions are so off the wall, we can’t look away. Viewers can find themselves binging the show because they want to know what Stephen will do next, they can’t put the remote down! His intelligence and ability to read into people make his actions so unpredictable, it seems like every time he does something, it’s a huge plot twist. That’s how extreme he is. Even when we think we figured him out, there’s something that he does that surprises us, or something in his past is revealed that makes us want to understand him even more.Â
Another point that makes Stephen so watchable is that he isn’t just conniving and slick the whole time. He has moments where he is funny, where his charm works on the viewers, not just the characters. This contradiction within his character keeps viewers on their toes and even questions when they think Stephen is being genuine or not. The point being, if Stephen was truly horrible and terrible all the time, his character would be easily dismissed by both the characters and the watchers. There is no doubt that his character was written perfectly, known as one of the best-written examples of narcissism in TV-show history.
All in all, it’s clear that Stephen DeMarco is a truly horrible person. No matter what his past is, he has the choice as an adult to not let his past hold him back. He has the choice to be happy and free within his relationships, but for some reason, he just cannot bring himself to be fully open and vulnerable. Loyalty, love, and intimacy aren’t for him, and I think it’s clear that it never will be.