The grade perfectionist. The professor-impressing perfectionist (say that three times). The undiscovered-artist perfectionist. It seems that everywhere there is to look on a college campus, there’s a person preoccupied with some sort of perfectionism. I used to think of this as a good thing, a self-established standard for excellence that each individual held herself to.
Completely in the ordinary, I took in others around me that seemed to obsess over their grades or marvel at the collection of stationery or organizational items they just impulse bought as normal. I realized that these behaviors were not all that healthy, and that perfectionism isn’t something that we should uphold. It seems to me, at least, that perfectionism is upheld because so many of us can relate to experiencing it.
But at its core, perfectionism is caused by anxiety. Perhaps you’ve experienced this: you fear the long term consequences of getting a C in a class, so you perfect your study patterns and class preparation habits to ensure that you will do well. Not do well, exceed. Not exceed, create the best possible outcome for yourself — which is in this case, making a perfect score. You don’t get that perfect score, and you HATE yourself. How could I leave that out? Why did I make that minuscule mistake? Why aren’t I as successful as I think I ought to be? Perfectionist much?
Maybe not on this campus (let’s be real, Wesleyan’s hard sometimes), but I’ve experienced this pattern of thinking about my academic work before. They came with feelings of worthlessness, doubt, and, ironically, hopelessness. So in my quest to escape these feelings, I attempted to change my thoughts: Maybe my grades don’t matter as much right now as I’m telling myself they do. Maybe I am academically competent, and my way of understanding class content isn’t flawed. Maybe a perfect score is superficial and not worth stressing over.
And I began to dare to wonder what being a college student would be like if the pressure to perform were nonexistent. Because it would not be about outperforming your peers or proving your ability to make the grade, but about becoming the best version of yourself by using the ready and available knowledge all around you to maximize your talents.
And this brought me to the realization that what we’re doing here and now on our college campuses is setting the foundation for our future lives and selves. While here, we have the potential to discover what we love, to discover what we love to do, and to discover what we’re good at. So why would we give up so much potential to waste our time on perfectionism?
I realized that praising perfection never led me to wonder what college would be like if there was no pressure. What if there were no pressure to achieve a certain grade? What if outperforming our peers or proving our ability to make the grade was not a factor in our education? We would probably have more satisfactory careers after college and better stress management skills. We would probably find more things to enjoy about ourselves and the things we study. I hope that enjoyment is something that everyone will be able to achieve.