TW: Eating disorders
The holiday season is upon us! For most people, one of the major highlights of the holidays is catching up with the family at a family dinner. However, for those who are suffering or trying to recover from an eating disorder, this family dinner can be terrifying and full of triggers. I have been suffering from bulimia nervosa since I was thirteen, but this is my first holiday season in recovery. The holidays are seen as such a happy and exciting time, where those suffering from eating disorders are swept under the rug more than they already are. Here are some things that I’ve noticed through this past Thanksgiving that I wish I had previously known. If you’re suffering or recovering, here are some things to look out for for the rest of the holiday season:
– Even if you have been doing well with recovery, the holidays can trigger a relapse
If your family is anything like mine the “goal” of holiday dinners are to eat as much as you can and then some. This obviously can put someone who is suffering or has suffered from an eating disorder in a mental place that can trigger a relapse. Family dinners can be so strenuous because you want to show your family how far you’ve come and to show them that you can eat dinner just like the rest of them. So you overstuff yourself, triggering past behaviors… and just like that, you find yourself slipping up.
-You might receive seemingly ignorant comments from family members or friends
I have received comments from people like “oh, you’re actually eating now,” or “I see you’ve put on a little weight.” While there is no intention of harm in these comments, they can really hurt. Try to remember that these comments are coming from a place of not understanding.
-You may feel like something is “missing”
In trying to stay recovering throughout the holidays, I’ve found myself trying to emotionally distance myself from everything that contributes to my eating disorder. But through that, I’ve also distanced myself from the things that matter to me the most. This can be easy to do. Just remember to stay safe while also staying close to what’s important to you.
-It may be harder to be kind to yourself
Given the higher possibility of relapse, it can be really hard to negate the harmful comments you make to yourself. You may think that you “ate too much,” but you didn’t. If you find yourself engaging in past behaviors, you may end up blaming yourself for messing up. But it’s okay, we aren’t perfect. You’re trying your very best, and relapse is inevitable in recovery.
-Don’t engage in “fat talk”
You may hear family members talking about how stuffed they are after dinner. You may hear comments like “wow, I ate like a fat person.” DON’T encourage these. Either say something to negate these comments or don’t say anything at all, but especially don’t tell yourself the same thing.
I know it can be a lot to handle, but let’s make the holiday season as jolly as can be. Remember, you and your body deserve everything you eat. Treat yourself, let yourself enjoy as much as you are able to. Guilt is going to happen, but try not to give into it. It’s okay if you make some mistakes. You’re getting there, and I am so so proud of you.
NEDA Helpline: (800) 931-2237