Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Wells chapter.

The cursor blinks,

and blinks,

and blinks

while I think of what to write.

My brain is bursting with ideas,

like how my week went,

how I’m afraid I’m turning into a person I don’t like,

how I’m too cowardly to stand up for myself,

how not okay I am.

But I can’t say any of that.

I’ve been trained not to.

I could put on a smile and pretend to be cheerful,

but I don’t have the energy anymore.

I know I should be able to write something happy

I have so much to be thankful for.

but it’s hard to be grateful when there’s so much trauma left unaddressed,

and so much unhappiness hidden behind the walls I’ve put up.

I think I need to be held,

but who will hold me?

a partner who’s never around?

friends I’m scared to bother?

parents who don’t know how to listen?

the therapist I desperately need but don’t have?

I am the only person I will let console me,

So I’ll sit here and soothe myself,

While I stare down a blank page

And soldier on

As if nothing is wrong.

I am stressed all the time and I am in a constant state of wanting to take a nap.