Becoming

 Last Saturday, I had the exciting experience of seeing my first Drag Show. Walking in, I had no idea what to expect. My friend and I found a chair near the wall and waited for the show to begin. As I was waiting, something in me began to stir, and I couldn't stop smiling. I knew that something big was going to happen and that I might come closer to understanding who I am. 

 All throughout high school, I had surrounded myself with people who identify within the LGBTQ+ community. I had fallen in love with and had crushes on a fair share of both males and females. If the world puts a beautiful person in front of me, I fall. Who can't relate to that! But, that's not entirely easy to deal with. I completely broke down and couldn't deal with my feelings. I didn't want to label myself, but I wanted answers that I wasn't willing to find. So, I buried it. I buried it all. It became habitual for me to ignore all attractions to anyone and put my energy into something completely distracting. No guys and no girls, just me in the waters of denial. Fun! 

That was where my mind was when I stepped into this drag show. I hadn't addressed any sexuality during my first two weeks on campus. If I'm honest, the openness of Wells scared me very much, I didn't think I was ever going to be ready. But, there is something absolutely transformative about seeing strangers step up in front of a crowd and express themselves so fully. It's such a vulnerable thing, to perform in a way that expresses the most honest version of self. Everyone around me was living, simply living. I made my way up to the front and began to feel a part of something. I was becoming. I was finally becoming. 

I don't really know yet who I am exactly. But in that moment I realized that it was okay. All feelings and expressions are human, and being exposed to a place where that's celebrated is something beautiful to be a part of. My sexuality is an open question, but my exploration and acceptance is something that I'm coming into. I felt proud. I felt proud when I got back to my dorm that night. I felt proud the next day. I feel proud now. And that's important. There is no need to rush into identification, finding it in your own time is what's important, and every aspect of the journey should be celebrated. I am becoming!